Measuring up has nothing to do with height

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This article was published 19/02/2022 (1683 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m tall and my new husband is short. I’m fine with that, and crazy about this wonderful man I married. For some reason, people in my family think it’s OK to make comments about our height difference.

I’ve actually been criticized by them for wearing high heels when I’m with my husband. I love high heels, and he enjoys seeing me in them. Sometimes I even wear them at home when we have a romantic dinner, and he loves them in the bedroom!

The same sister who criticizes me most has a tall husband who has a mean mouth, mostly directed at her, especially when he’s drinking. To me, he looks like a small man, a real punk — all nasty mouth.

The other day I mentioned buying some beautiful new shoes online and she said, “I hope they’re not another pair of heels — your poor husband!” I bit back a comment, said bye and hung up.

I was about to say, “My husband has a lot more going for him than yours does — and it has nothing to do with height!” I know that’s wrong, but what should I say? Her digs have got to stop, or she’ll be seeing a lot less of me.

— Tall and Proud, Norwood

Dear Tall and Proud: Famous musician Keith Urban and his tall wife — actor Nicole Kidman — seem to adore each other. She is 5-foot-11 in bare feet, and wears three-inch high heels to all her red-carpet events. Urban is reportedly 5-foot-10, and couldn’t care less that he looks shorter beside Kidman, who drapes herself on his shoulder at the podiums.

Urban is a big star, as is his wife. People with good self-esteem don’t get hung up on height differences or old beliefs that a man should be taller than “his” woman.

Tell your sister your husband loves to see you in heels — out in public and in the bedroom! Tell her he’s proud of having a tall wife. That will stop the comments and should make her think. You don’t need to mention her husband though, so there won’t be an ugly fight between you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: French is the first language of my boyfriend, and English is mine. He grew up in a country family who spoke French at home, school and work. He can speak English too, but he much prefers French. I try my best to be part of it. I went to French immersion schools and speak the language haltingly.

The thing that hurts is that he tells all his friends they can speak French in front of me. They go ahead and speak very fast, with lots of slang. I miss about 30 per cent, so don’t say much. Friendships with them have not formed.

When my boyfriend and I are alone a lot — like now, during COVID — he speaks English most of the time to me and my head stops aching. I don’t know how to fix this and don’t how much more I can take when things open up socially.

— His Second-Class Anglo Girlfriend, Sage Creek

Dear Girlfriend: It is hurtful to be left out because you don’t speak a second language well enough to understand it all. If this boyfriend is “the one,” then you need to find a tutor and study like mad, watch French movies and stay tuned to French radio. Also, stop hanging back — struggle to have conversations with his gang, and it will get easier.

But, if this boyfriend is not a candidate for long-term love, don’t go to all that bother. Start insisting he spends more time with your English friends and take note of his behaviour. My guess? Your relationship will start drifting apart, and maybe that’s best.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend of six years wants to get married before the end of 2022, but I don’t. He says people are wondering why it hasn’t happened yet and think he’s the one who’s stalling. Not so!

I’m happy not having our relationship nailed down with babies expected. I have my own small but growing business — that’s my baby.

Six years ago, he liked that situation and now he doesn’t. I love him, but there’s a limit. What do you think?

— Feeling the Pressure, St. James

Dear Pressure: When a person is in love and wants a marriage commitment, they can’t free themselves easily. It’s up to the partner who doesn’t feel as deeply to initiate a real breakup. An offer of friendship or worse still, “friends with benefits” is torment for the one who loves passionately, but will never be chosen.

So, do the cruel-to-be-kind thing and break it off. You’ll also have painful and lonely feelings at first, but don’t waffle. Both of you will need to stay free of each other, heal and find someone better suited.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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