Co-worker crush calls for caution, tact

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This article was published 20/02/2022 (1680 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Almost 20 years ago — back in high school — I had a huge crush on a very popular girl. I was overweight, and didn’t play sports then. I didn’t even try to ask her out as she was out of my league.

That girl is now a woman in her late-30s and recently got hired in the office where I work — at the same level as me, on my team. I stood there with my mouth open like a guppy when she first came in. She didn’t recognize me until I went over, introduced myself, and welcomed her. She looked surprised when she saw the new me. I noticed she wasn’t wearing a wedding ring and still has the same last name.

A lot of time has passed since high school when I secretly really liked her. I’m in good shape now, and have much more confidence. If she’s single, I think I might have a shot. The trouble is, this is work. What should I do? I sit at my computer where I can see her out of the corner of my eye.

— Secret Admirer, Downtown

Dear Secret Admirer: People can often “feel” someone staring at them. Turn your station a little, so she’s no longer visible out the corner of your eye. The only safe thing to do is to be friendly and helpful as she settles in, and see what happens.

Although relationships are discouraged in work settings, people will be people and they still do happen, though to a far lesser degree than in past decades. Don’t push your personal agenda (to ask her out) as that’d be harassment in a modern work setting. If that kind of interest is coming from anywhere, let it come from her.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My neighbour is a joy to behold when he comes in the yard to shovel my walk — a big, strong guy holding a shovel. He doesn’t need to do it — but he asked me. He says he likes a reason to be outdoors in the fresh air. It was all his idea, so he absolutely refuses any payment from me.

I hate shovelling snow, and there’s so much this year! Everything was fine through December and January — and then he stopped altogether! I finally saw him and asked him what happened, and he said, “I didn’t know how to tell you. My wife interfered.”

I said, “What for?” He said, “The truth is she knows you’re single and she’s seen you, and she’s jealous.”

At first I was silent, and then I started to laugh. He said, “What are you laughing about?” And I said, “I don’t have boyfriends; I have a serious girlfriend! The silver car that’s often parked nearby is hers.”

Next day he was back shovelling my walk again. I guess he told his wife about me. Oh, the perks of the lipstick lesbian!

— All Shovelled Out, Fort Garry

Dear Perks: You being a feminine-looking “lipstick lesbian” clearly had his wife confused. It sounds like things may not be going well with her husband. She sounds insecure about him, and who knows, she may have reason.

When spring finally comes, and you’re outside enjoying the green grass, be pleasant with the couple next door, but keep a comfortable distance. Be sure to introduce your lady friend at first opportunity.

Mowing the grass is an easy job you and your sweetheart can handle. But if the neighbour wants to shovel the repeated dumps of snow next winter, make a new deal and insist on paying — even if you have to leave something in their mailbox.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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