Stand firm against abetting grounded sister

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This article was published 09/03/2022 (1667 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I came home and found my older sister crying. She said she’d been grounded for three weeks for sneaking out to see her boyfriend.

I asked, “So where did you go?” and she said she was in her boyfriend’s basement room, when Mom came over and banged on the guy’s back door. His dad answered.

My sister admitted It took a few minutes to “brush her hair” before coming upstairs. Yeah, right.

Now my sister wants me to be on her side and help her get out of the house to see her boyfriend. I said no way. I think I know what was going on, and she could get herself in trouble. She called me “useless” and “a big baby.” I’m no baby and I’m not hers to use.

We used to be close, but now she’s not talking to me. Please help.

— Stressed Sister, Windsor Park

Dear Sister: Being unpopular with your older sister is a lot better than finding out she got pregnant and you helped her to sneak out of the house to do it.

No one takes a long time to “brush their hair” when a furious parent comes looking for them. They might take a little time if they have to first get dressed, and also brush their hair.

As for her refusing to talk to you, tough! She’s asking you to be dishonest with your parents to get her out. It isn’t fair, and she knows it. When the three weeks are up, she’ll start talking again.

In the meantime, act like you’re just fine. If you cave, and start helping her get out to see the boyfriend, worse things could happen to you than her silence.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I never knew how much I depended on my children for company until the last one left. When they were younger, I was a working mother 9-5 and had a weekend job too, to make ends meet. Their dad blew off to another province and I didn’t bother chasing him for money he never seemed to have.

Now, I’m in my 40s, and the money situation is easy with the kids being independent. The trouble is, I didn’t stop working two jobs until recently, and don’t have many friends beyond my adults kids. The pandemic has made it almost impossible to meet people.

I was a lot of fun at one time and friends flocked to me. Now, I’m no good at finding friends. Could you give me some help?

— Lonely Lady, Westwood

Dear Lonely: It helps to make a plan, even if you have to execute it cautiously as COVID restrictions lift. When you’re looking for friends, think like-minded. Make a list of all the things you used to enjoy doing — sports, arts, crafts, hobbies, charity work, or travelling, even if it’s not far from home.

Say to yourself, “In an ideal world, what would I be doing?” and start writing things down. Once you have a plan, put it up on the wall, and talk about it to people. People love to contribute to someone trying to achieve their goals. You’ll be amazed how easily your new ideas start to become reality.

Bonus? You light up and become more fun and attractive to others than someone who is just watching the world go by.

Volunteer work can be fun because the people who are attracted to it are generally “givers“ as you have been. Check out the long list of opportunities at Volunteer Manitoba’s website (volunteermanitoba.ca). It’s important to pick a volunteer opportunity where you’re not tucked away all by yourself, so can meet new friends.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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