Write off repayment from ex and move on

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This article was published 10/03/2022 (1607 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I broke up with my girlfriend because she was always in a money jam. About once a month, she’d ask me for more money. She’d speak the same words, “Can I get a little help from you please, honey?” It’d be $100 for her phone bill or $50 for groceries or $200 to help her make the rent. It was always a suspiciously round number — and she never showed me proof of an amount owing.

Finally, I’d had enough. I showed her the tally I’d kept with exact dates, of how much she owed me. She never paid me back a cent, and I was always too shy to ask. I told her it was over.

She called again yesterday, using the whiny little-girl voice that always came before asking for more money. I cut her off and told her how much she already owed me, to the penny.

She said, “I didn’t know that helping me out a little bit was a loan and you were keeping score! I never signed anything, and you never asked me to. Anyway, you make lots more money than I do!” Does she owe me or not?

— Big-time Loser, Downtown

Dear Big-time Loser: If there was no agreement in place for repayment of this money, it wouldn’t be worth it to go after her legally. It’s interesting she was aware she’d never used the word “loan” and never signed anything (like an IOU). Nor had she ever showed you any bills she owed. This woman clearly knew what she was doing, and you were financing it.

You want to be free of her now? Forget the money and forget her.

Consider that money the cost of learning this lesson. Next time, find a woman who has a job that pays decently, is independently set up and would be embarrassed to be hitting anyone up for money like this.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just came out of an eight-year relationship that had 6.5 good years. My husband started cheating a year ago, and I found someone and returned the favour. I made sure he found out. Although I evened the score, we didn’t part as friends.

I’ve cooled off and realized I lost a friend with many interests in common, particularly sports, dining out and country music.

How can I get him to pardon me, and we just cancel our cheating sins out so we can at least be friends? He says, “No woman’s ever cheated on me before, and gotten away with it!”

— Wanting My Friend Back, southern Manitoba

Dear Wanting: You laid more cards on the table than you thought when you said “at least” be friends. You may have a hidden agenda — to start as friends, and push it back into a full relationship. He says “no way,” and it’s time you believed that. Besides, if he cheated before, he’ll probably cheat again, particularly if he’s still nursing a grudge towards you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend was in a bad mood and started criticizing her body. I kept quiet for a bit, and then she asked me if I thought her calves were too big. I said, “They’re not fat. They just have a lot of muscle, like mine do.” I play football and hockey and have strong legs I’m quite proud of.

She blew up, saying “You think I have unfeminine legs!” Actually, I do, but I’d never tell her that. What is safe to say about her legs now? I should have thought this out first.

— Spoke too Soon, Brandon

Dear Spoke too Soon: You’re best not to mention her curvy legs for quite a while, or you’ll just dig yourself in further. You might comment on some other woman’s “spindly legs.” That’s a backhanded way of telling your girlfriend you like athletic legs — but good luck with that line, as well!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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