Put in some real work — outside the bedroom

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This article was published 06/04/2022 (1582 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My athlete of a wife finally broke up with me, and I had to move out fast. It was messy, but it was finally over. Then she got drunk, and went online and announced to her friends: “Marriage is about a lot more than great sex!” She had a lot to complain about in our marriage — but never the sex.

The result is I already got two calls from women — not her best friends, by any stretch. One “friend” wondered if I was “lonely and needed company.” Yeah, right. The second one got right to the point, fast. Not happening!

So, I phoned my wife, and told her to stop sending women my way. She didn’t believe me at first. Then she asked for names and I gave them to her.

I heard today she phoned them up and threatened them. She can have a real mouth on her! Do you think that means she still wants me?

— Still Hoping, South Winnipeg

Dear Hoping: Your ex-wife went online and threw out a line that amounted to bait for other women — and possibly bait to get you back. It’s working.

Both of you are still focusing on each other, and as the old Lenny Kravitz song goes, It Ain’t Over ’til It’s Over.

It’s very hard to give up somebody you thought was yours, particularly if you had great sex — which is the super glue in some very troubled relationships.

Why not give it a big try on your end only? Tell your wife you’re going to relationship counselling to try to work out the problems from your side.

Don’t even ask her to join you in the beginning. Just start changing the equation from your side. She might not like the idea of someone else getting the new and improved version of you, along with your superior bedroom skill.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I ran into a very serious guy from my place of work at the doctor’s office. It was a specialist’s office, and it was pretty clear why both of us were there. I went in first and on the way out, he was still sitting there. I whispered to him, “I never saw you here.” He smiled, and looked relieved.

At work now, he seems to avoid any contact with me. I’m a friendly person by nature; he’s very private. How can I break the ice and let him know I won’t be gossiping about him to anyone?

— Not the Enemy, St. James

Dear Not the Enemy: He already knows that, and he’s grateful. So, just be business-like and stop worrying about having any kind of personal friendship. You’ve already surmised more about him from having a mutual specialist than he wants people to know.

You can be sure he’ll not be jabbering to anyone about you. That’s good, and that’s enough personal stuff between you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I know a bad guy who is also a good guy. His “business” is bad, but his heart is good. Like, he’d pull anyone out of a snowbank at 4 a.m., or help anybody on the street with money for food. But he’s still not the kind of guy you’d introduce to your sister.

My point is, he got a look at my little sister and asked me to put in a good word for him. She doesn’t know him, and I don’t want her to know him! How do I say no to a guy like him?

— My Sister’s Off Limits, North End

Dear Off Limits: Your big brotherly line could be: “I can’t introduce any guys to my sister. My dad watches her like a hawk and investigates every guy who looks at her by calling cop friends. You don’t want to go there.” Guys who live on the edge of the law don’t want extra trouble.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.  

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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