Bond with buddies to get past pandemic pretender

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 01/05/2022 (1290 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I met this great guy a few months before the pandemic began. We really enjoyed our time getting to know one another — so much so that he moved into my apartment!

I know — too fast — but as he said when he accepted my invitation: “Why should we be alone during one of the most uncertain times in our lives?”

For two years, he was nothing but kind, romantic and fun. We both were able to work from home. Maybe we spent too much time together, but we split the bills and housework, and got along perfectly. I thought I’d found my soul mate.

What a huge taste of reality I got this month, when he said he was going to move out. I was in shock. I asked him what happened and he said that now the world is opening up, he “felt the need for more options.” I was an option?

I feel like I was used, plain and simple. I’m so mad, hurt and embarrassed. I foolishly thought he was “the one.”

He had the nerve to ask if he could stay until his apartment was ready. Then he dropped the second bomb: His new apartment is only two buildings away on my side of the street. I said no way!

He has some nerve. I’ll see the top storey of his block and watch him going out to his car in the parking lot. To move so close to me is thoughtless and mean. He said he “likes the neighbourhood.”

He went for a run, and I packed him up like a tornado. When he came back, I yelled at him to call his brother to bring his truck. He was gone from here two hours later.

My head and heart are aching now because I can’t make sense of this. He was so sweet to me living here, although I must face the fact he never once said he loved me. Please help me swallow this lump in my throat.

— Hurting All Over, Osborne Village

Dear Hurting: To his mind, it was a warm COVID arrangement and, after all, you invited him. “Why should we be alone?” he responded — not a declaration of any deep emotion. He was pleasant as a roommate, and may not have felt he was deceiving you.

Be glad this guy didn’t lie about loving you. At least you don’t have his loving words and broken promises running through your head now. Still, you should be aware this guy is not a sensitive soul! He proved that by secretly finding a new place — and practically next door.

So, you need to let the memories of him drift off. Here’s a move that will help psychologically: Put up blinds on the windows that face his new apartment block, and block him visually.

Then, contact your old friend group and reach out to pals you haven’t seen much during the pandemic. Make sure to catch up on their lives — don’t phone just to complain about yours. Then, get together to do things, a couple of friends at a time. You’re not up for big gatherings yet, but you do have spaces you need to fill this spring.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I did something bad. I called up my ex-husband when I was drunk again. I can’t help calling him when I’ve got a bottle to finish. Should I call and apologize?

I know what you’re thinking — that I may have a bit of a drinking problem, though not nearly as bad as my ex says!

I only drink when I get lonely and depressed but then I can’t stop drinking until it’s all gone. I don’t think that makes me a real alcoholic, but it is a problem.

— Not a Real Drunk, St. Boniface

Dear Not a Drunk: Do not call this ex back for anything — not even to apologize. A better place for you to make contact is Alcoholics Anonymous. You might inquire about help for your specific type of drinking problem, which is termed binge drinking. An alcohol problem of any kind is serious, even if it can usually be hidden. Check out AA’s website at aamanitoba.org which begins respectfully with this question and answer: “Have a problem with alcohol? There is a solution.”

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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