A little space could smooth things with big sister

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This article was published 03/05/2022 (1609 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Miss Lonelyhearts: I can’t stand my older sister. She’s so rude and won’t answer me half the time when I talk to her.

She says, “If I have to share a bedroom with you and have no privacy, then I will choose when I want to talk to you!” Then she buries her head in her phone and talks to her stupid friends, with her back to me. Either that, or she goes to the basement room where my brother, who moved out long ago, has stacked all his crap. It’s a “pig sty” my dad says.

My mom has told my sister not to be so ignorant to me, but she doesn’t care. My dad just says “teenage girls will be teenage girls.” But, this week my grandma has offered for me to go and stay at her place! I’ve been thinking about it, because sometimes I just feel so hated and unwanted by my sister.

I told Mom about the offer, and she started to cry, but I love it at Grandma’s house, and it’s only five blocks away! I’d have my own bedroom there, with a veranda in the summer.

Nobody knows what to do about this problem. Please give me some ideas in a hurry.

— Unwanted By My Sister, West End

Dear Unwanted: Going to stay at Grandma’s a couple weekends a month might be an option your mom could accept. In the end, it’d force your sister to think. So far, she hasn’t paid a big price for being so mean to you.

There’s no doubt she will like having the space and the privacy. But, she will “hear about it” from your parents when you start going regularly for whole weekends at Grandma’s. Suddenly, it’ll be much quieter in your family’s house.

Your parents may feel like they’re starting to lose their baby. When you change one big thing in a group like a family, other things end up changing too. Here’s one possible change: perhaps your parents will call your brother to move his old junk out, creating a space to renovate for your sister’s bedroom. Then you could get the one upstairs for your own room.

Meanwhile, enjoy your visits with Grandma and give her a helping hand. Also, don’t spoil your special time there by feeling too guilty.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My lady has broken it off with me, and I’m missing her almost enough to quit the things she doesn’t like. By that, I mean smoking and drinking.

She says my clothes and my breath reek from my ugly habits. She also says she doesn’t like watching me drink every day — as little as that might be. Her dad was an alcoholic, but he’s long gone. Still, his memory lingers.

I work from home, and I’m definitely a man who loves to drink after work hours in the evenings. She never imbibes.

Here’s how our arguments go: She says, “When’s the last day you didn’t drink?” I say: “I can’t tell you.”

Then she says, “A truthful answer from you would be “Never!”

Now that she’s gone from my life, I long for her beauty, intelligence, warmth and humour — not to mention the great sex. But, I don’t want to stop being the adult male I am. Please advise.

— Feeling the Loss, Norwood

Dear Feeling the Loss: You aren’t ready to give up your vices, and she says she’s not going to put up with it any longer. So much for all that “warm stuff” she offers! Trouble is, you’re obviously in pain without her.

Could you reach a compromise where you’ll commit to never drink more than two beers a night, and just drink those on the weekends?

As for smoking, it harms her health as well as yours. You could try a little humour by buying an antique, British-style smoking jacket and ascot to be left in your office. They will protect your shirts from the smoke.

Try running these ideas by her, and at least see what she says. She may be missing you a lot, as well.

Please send questions, comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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