Sweat-pants put-down comes full circle

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This article was published 05/05/2022 (1557 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just ran into an old boyfriend from my college days 10 years ago. Way back when, he flunked out of his second year and seemed to be going nowhere.

Imagine my shock and amazement when Mr. Businessman came walking towards me in my grocery store. He had a big grin on his face as he stepped back to get a better look at me — wearing my old grey sweat pants.

The last thing I’d said to him when we broke up was, “You’re going to spend the rest of your life in sweat pants!”

He said, “Fancy meeting you here… nice sweat pants!” Big smirk. I couldn’t blame him for being sarcastic. I blushed, and mumbled something about still being a teacher, and asked what he was doing these days.

He’s an architect now, as it turns out — went to university out of province — and moved back to Winnipeg for a good job. He has to dress up for the customers, I guess. I just stared. He looked handsome — actually “hot,” all dressed up.

I admit I’d like a chance to dress myself up, and see him again. I didn’t see any wedding ring on his finger. I did ask for his card, and he passed me an arty designer one. What should I do? I can’t stop thinking about him.

— In Shock, River Heights

Dear Shock: This ex-boyfriend obviously hasn’t forgotten the sweat-pants incident from way back. It hurt him, and he deserves an apology, even now. If you can’t do that, then you have no business contacting him again for a date.

Consider this: It might help heal that old wound if you made a medium-sized apology — more than “I’m sorry” but less than 50 words. A slightly funny phrase like “I was a judgmental idiot in those days!” might make him chuckle and agree with you.

Whatever you do, don’t expound on how “hot” he looks now and how you’d like to see him again (now that he’s finally shaped up). You could just ask him, in a friendly way, if he’d like to go for coffee. He might say yes, or “No, but thanks for calling to explain.” In that case, respect his wishes and say a nice “bye-bye.”

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just had the first dinner at the home of my new girlfriend’s mother, and it turned out to be “trial by fire” for me.

My girlfriend had spoken at length of her recently deceased father, so I was prepared for her mom to be in mourning. What my girlfriend neglected to do was warn me her mother already had a new male partner move into the family house! Who was this guy at the table? Why was I not told ahead?

It took some awkward time for me to get this straightened out over dinner. My girlfriend admitted later that she knew he’d be there. I think she found this situation kind of amusing, in a sick sort of way.

— Dropped into Awkward Situation, North Kildonan

Dear Awkward: Most people give a new guest to the family table a briefing on who’s coming and how they’re related to each other. Your girlfriend left you in the dark, possibly because she was embarrassed about her mother’s new (or not so new) relationship.

It’s likely your girlfriend is still dealing with her dad’s death, complicated by her mother’s live-in boyfriend. She may not have told you the whole situation because she’d have broken down. Some people pretend to be amused when they really want to cry. Give her some time, and be kind.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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