Keep things light in reconnecting with ‘dream’ girl

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 18/05/2022 (1547 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I keep dreaming about a past girlfriend. It’s driving me crazy, because she’s calling out to me!

We hid from the public and our families when we were young, because we were two young girls and lesbians were considered weird. Now I don’t care, and people don’t seem to think there’s anything so weird about people like us anymore.

Yesterday, I heard this old girlfriend is back here in Winnipeg and single. I’m single again, too!

I know she’s on Facebook, so if I contact her there, how should I do it? Should I tell her about the dreams?

— Wanting to do it Right, Osborne Village

Dear Wanting: The dreams are a little heavy as a re-introduction. Keep your Facebook invitation fun and all about getting together for lunch to catch up. Suggest meeting at an outdoor patio, as everybody’s dying to get out in the sunshine now. Also make sure the place has a nice indoor dining space. The last thing you want to do is go wandering around looking for somewhere else to eat if it pours rain. Good luck with this rendezvous, and make it fun!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: A neighbourhood friend recently sent out a big group message asking for donations. She was asking for clothing, non-perishable food and used items for people who are struggling. The items were to be dropped off at her house. Many people answered the call. The donations filled her garage. I could see it from my house. What a beautiful group of people to donate to those who are struggling!

A truck from the non-profit came and picked up a nice big load.

A day later I noticed the friend who organized this using some fancy gardening tools that looked familiar. I dropped by, and had a good look — and yes, they were mine. I didn’t say anything, but she could tell something was off with me. Should I confront her or just let it be? She has been struggling herself since her husband left her.

—What to do? Westwood

Dear What to do?: It’s too bad you already gave this woman the evil eye. She did come up with the donation idea and provided the collection depot, and you saw a truck from a non-profit come to take it away. Some of the other neighbours likely said: “If you see anything in these bags you could use yourself, please keep it. We’re glad you took time to put together this drive.”

You already know your neighbour has been going through a time of emotional upset and loss. By now, she may have figured out why you were looking askance at her — or she may just be confused because she has no idea what caused the look. Why not be warm and friendly again, and hope this shadow on your relationship passes? Having a discussion over her keeping the tools would only make the situation worse.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My sister quit gambling — or so I thought. My brothers and I paid off her debts and we thought she was past it. Now I’m upset, because I just heard from an old gambling pal of hers (who quit about the same time) that my sister’s at it again. She named the new place she goes.

I checked it out a couple nights in a row, and finally found her there at a machine. I tapped her on the shoulder. She turned around and saw me — and she was furious!

She said she did not have a problem with gambling anymore, and was just “having a giggle.” We went outside, and she started poking me in the chest, yelling: “You guys don’t own me because you helped me out. Nobody asked you to pay my debts!”

I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle. I’m scared what she’ll do to get money to gamble more or to pay off bad people who lend her money. What should I do?

— Gambler’s Scared Sister, central MB

Dear Scared Sister: The time has come to get support for yourself, whether your sister quits or not. You have exhausted your own resources, and need experienced counselling. You are not alone in this difficult struggle, though it may seem that way until you talk to other people who have been through gambling hell with loved ones.

You should know the Addictions Foundation of Manitoba (afm.mb.ca) provides many services. Among them is free, confidential individual counselling for people having problems because of their own gambling, or the gambling of others. You can make phone contact at 204-944-6368 or 1-800-463-1554, plus you can email wpggambling@afm.mb.ca. Reach out for the help you need.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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