Don’t let your shame cost you a true friend

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This article was published 22/06/2022 (1544 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is embarrassing, and I feel so lousy. At the bar, I stole some money from a good friend of mine. I was in a bad place, and didn’t have all of the rent, and I knew she’d just gotten paid.

I pretended I didn’t have any idea who did it. She said, “It must be one of those guys when I got up to dance, and left my purse under the chair.” I agreed, but I felt guilty and horrible inside.

I recently got a new job and made some money, and replaced the amount back in her purse when we were out at the bar again.

She called me crying when she got home and found the money, and said, “I knew you did it all along, but I love you like a sister! I knew you were desperate, and would somehow make it right.”

I feel even worse now, as I know she’s the best friend a person could ever have. She isn’t even angry, and we were both crying on the phone. Now I feel even more guilty. How can I fix this between us?

— Feeling Like a Worm, South St. Vital

Dear Worm: You can repay her by not dropping her friendship out of guilt and embarrassment. Make it right by doing something special for her. Can you make/build her something she’d like or take her somewhere, like going on a spa day or even a weekend trip to the beach?

When she asks to pitch in some money, look her seriously in the eye and say, “Absolutely not, I want to do this for you, and you can’t say no.” She will understand. Good luck, and please write back about how it goes.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m 42, and addicted to younger men. I promised myself time and time again to swear off them, because they have caused me so much heartache.

But, when I see a young, muscled man a tan and a killer smile — especially with dimples — I melt into a puddle. There are no frown lines looking down at me critically, no belly, no drooping muscles. If that young guy has a fun and loving personality on top of his hot looks, I just want him so badly!

These relationships always start off fun, but then get really intense and sexual, and later hit a wall. It ends up the guy really wants a younger woman who looks up to him, and deep down he’s jealous of my success in the business world.

Also, he inevitably gets razzed by his friends about being my “boy toy.”

Summer is always when these urges start for me, because everyone sheds layers of clothes and becomes so visible. I am a weightlifter and a runner, so I have the body of a 30-year-old myself.

I already understand the root of the problem. I run my own successful business and the guy of the moment never feels he measures up. That imbalance has ended up a few times with guys cheating on me with a younger woman. Then he feels like a big shot again. I guess I make a younger man feel like he’s lesser than me, and that makes me sad.

But, that doesn’t stop me going after another younger man! I have my eye on a beautiful guy — a real sweetheart — right now. Please say something to help me.

— Falling Again, West Kildonan

Dear Falling: There’s nothing wrong with what you want physically — muscled perfection — because you offer the same thing back. But, you really need to find a muscleman of around 40, who’s “single again.”

You do need a guy who enjoys a real love relationship, and is able to commit. Maybe his first marriage didn’t work out, but not because he was a serial cheater. You certainly don’t need that problem!

In order to get your head into a different space, see a good psychologist this spring and summer and who will help you start making better choices, to have a better chance of a relationship working out — in all departments.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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