Make peace with misled ex to move on

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 27/06/2022 (1556 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I ran into an enemy in the drugstore. I almost pushed her fat head into one of the counters. I wanted to beat her to a pulp, but the thought of jail stopped me.

Five years ago, she lied to my ex-boyfriend — told him I’d cheated on him — and then went after him herself. A few months later, she ended up actually living with him. He has broken up with her, finally.

What can I do about her? The horrible thing she did to me still haunts me. I know he’s single again. Should I call him?

— Missing Him Forever, Wolseley

Dear Missing: Yes, call because it’s haunting you. Ask to see him in person. If he won’t do that for you, talk to him on the phone, and tell him your side of the story.

Obviously, your “friend” had her eye on him when you were dating him, and she was willing to lie and sacrifice her friendship with you to get at him. He may have found that out already, but has possibly been too ashamed to call you and have to apologize for believing her.

It’s a good idea in life to make peace with those you have cared about and have somehow lost — otherwise, they’re still living rent-free in your mind.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I lived with a casual girlfriend during the major two years of the pandemic to keep myself on sexual life-support. I broke up with her two months ago — to be free to see other girls again. Since the pandemic eased up, I’ve been wanting to make up for lost time.

Unfortunately, I quickly met a wonderful girl, who wants to be exclusive, but I can’t be tied down yet! I’m only 23 this summer. She’s the kind you marry and have kids with, and never sleep with anyone else again.

It hurts me much more than I expected, to be totally rejected by her this week — not even a friendship happening. She actually told a mutual friend I turned out to be a player. What can I do?

— Not Ready Yet!, St. James

Dear Not Yet: Try telling her this: “You’re right to avoid me now. I’m not ready for the kind of relationship you deserve. I do hope I run into you again when I’m ready for someone really special in a serious relationship.”

Hopefully you can get that message to her fairly soon — and then let her go. That’s the best you can do at this point in your young life.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My adopted daughter is emotionally and verbally abusive towards me. She’s a single parent with a pre-school child. She asks for help or money almost daily.

Her father gives her what she wants and has said she’s his top priority. I’m retired, and have made myself my priority.

I suffer her texts, when I don’t help her or send money. She’s quite manipulative and will lie to get what she wants. Her dad believes her, but I do not. I can get up to 50-plus texts, calling me names, telling me all sorts of hurtful things.

I’m getting older and don’t have the energy for her abuse. But still, I don’t want to miss the chance to be a positive person in my grandchild’s life. Where can I get help?

— Suffering Abuse from Daughter, Manitoba

Dear Suffering: Although you seem to be “upper middle-aged,” you need a counsellor with the same background and training as those who deal with elder-abuse victims. A good local contact? A&O Support Services for Older Adults. Visit their website aosupportservices.ca or phone 204-956-6440.

One comfort you need to consider is this: If you stop reacting to your daughter’s daily harassment and demands for money, your husband will still respond to her. That means your grandchild is not going to starve or go without necessities.

The biggest concern for you should be this: Is your grandchild in need of rescue or legal intervention? Or, is the problem confined to the power struggle between you and your daughter?

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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