Be on high alert, as old habits may die hard

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 30/06/2022 (1509 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m someone who’s about to get married to a man I don’t trust. He’d been a wonderful partner, up until a few months ago. Shortly after we got engaged, he broke my trust.

My fiancé was addicted to cocaine, or should I say is addicted to cocaine. I knew he was a party guy from Day 1, but I felt like I knew how to keep him in line. He did seem to walk the straight and narrow, for me. He stopped hanging out with all his old friends, and we were happy.

When we got engaged, his old buddies reached out to “congratulate” him, and they ended up going out and partying. That night he did drugs again — and got it on with some woman from the bar they were at. A friend of a friend reported it to me.

I broke up with him, but I didn’t give his ring back. He cried and apologized for weeks. I finally took him back, got my ring out of the velvet box and put it on again, but it doesn’t look as sparkly to me anymore.

I love him, but deep down I can’t trust him anymore. The closer we get to the wedding, the more I’m freaking out! What do I do?

— Bride to Be, downtown Winnipeg

Dear Bride to Be: Right now, your gut feeling is yelling “Warning, danger!” with good reason. You know it’s a big chance you’re taking. You might look back and say, “Why didn’t I listen to the voice in my head, cancel the wedding and free myself from the whole thing for good?”

Yes, he’s behaving right now, after almost losing you for good, and he’ll probably behave himself until after the wedding. Then he may feel he has a firmer grip on you and experiment again — or he might never do it again. Perhaps he learned his lesson, but you just don’t know it.

It’s likely his old addict friends will give it some time, and start contacting him privately again. They are not in sympathy with you, the party spoil-sport. Your groom needs fortifying.

Here’s something to consider: You don’t say if your groom is part of a group like Narcotics Anonymous, or if he’s just going it on his own to clean up his act. If he substituted new friends from NA who have quit drugs for the old bar friends who haven’t, you’d have a better reason to continue with your wedding plans. Otherwise, you’re likely going to stay on high alert for a long time.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new daughter-in-law, who I thought was an amazing cook and baker, was just outed.

We’ve been enjoying her fancy dinners for the past eight months. I’d never have guessed she was ordering these meals and putting them into her serving bowls! Her sister accidentally outed her at the big Father’s Day dinner.

I couldn’t have cared less. It was just lovely of her to have us over. Then all of her insecurities came crashing down on me, and I was suddenly the one to blame. She says she feels she isn’t able to measure up to me and my famous cooking.

Huh? I often mix my own cooking with restaurant specialty dishes. I want to fix this. What to do?

— Baba’s in Trouble, Transcona

Dear Baba: It sound like your new daughter-in-law just wants to be loved and accepted. So, ignore her insecure squeaking, and give her a big dose of Baba love. You can’t deny you’re a great cook, so why not offer to share your recipes and skills with her? Also, let her know which restaurant dishes you enjoy buying and if there’s any in particular you buy-and-boost with your own special ingredients. Let her in on your time-saving secrets!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography