Temptation from past nothing to do with fate

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This article was published 24/07/2022 (1485 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a married guy and my wife went on holiday to see her folks recently. So, I took a drive to a beach, where I have an old pal. There was a woman there at his bonfire get-together who was all on her own. I recognized her as a girl I knew from way-back-when in college. We chatted and she told me she has very lonely this year, because her husband died unexpectedly last Christmas.

She told me very quietly they’d built a cottage together nearby — said it’s not far from the big tree where she and I kissed. What? She whispered that I was her first kiss, and it was “great.” With a few more clues, I finally remembered that night, too.

Well, I couldn’t let that just hang in the air between us, so I walked her home a bit later and kissed her again in the shade of a similar tree. This time she knew what she was doing, and kissed me back. She invited me back to her cabin, but I didn’t go. My body wanted to, but I only walked her part way home, and then turned back.

The problem is, I can’t get her out of my mind, nor the unfinished act we both craved. It felt like fate was inviting us to finish what we started so many years ago at the beach. She said any time I wanted to come up and see her at her cabin, I’d be welcome. Yikes! I love my wife, but I can’t stop thinking about this open invitation. How do I handle this in my head?

— My Obsession, North End

Dear Obsession: Fast-forward the movie camera we all have in our minds when it comes to pondering choices in life. First, point it at the tree near the beach, then watch yourself kissing this woman. Then imagine following her to her cabin and walking in, and then pan over all the photos staring at you, particularly photos of the two former lovebirds — her and her husband.

If you end up in a bedroom, picture what comes next. It might be a lot of fun, but it could also seriously mess your marriage up. Or, it could just end up in a flood of this recent widow’s tears. Is all this worth it for a girl you once kissed by a tree and never even dated?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife has been crying in the bedroom and it isn’t letting up. She’s being stubborn. We aren’t going on any real summer holidays, because we spent so much travel money visiting the “kids” post-pandemic, in Ontario and Quebec. She just asked me again to go camping because it’s “dead cheap,” and she needs a holiday before going back to her job teaching school in September.

I hate camping — the sweaty heat, building fires, soggy rain, eating hot dogs and marshmallows, and swatting flies. So, I told her again I wouldn’t go, but suggested she go with a friend. She said, “What friend? They have husbands who want to spend time with them!” And then she started to bawl.

We haven’t had sex since I refused the camping idea. It’s been two weeks. Do I have to go camping to get our sex life back?

— Doing Without, Fort Garry

Dear Doing Without: You could get many kinds of sex out of going on this particular camping trip — relief sex, moonlight sex, rainy-day sex, gratitude sex. Believe me, giving in is the smart thing to do. So, do it! But, be sure to get some decent camping gear to make things comfortable — especially an oversized air mattress that won’t spring a leak. Nothing worse!

Buy some battery-powered lights, as well as any kinds of food and refreshments your wife fancies. Then, be smart. Try to find a camping spot as far away from other campers as you can, turn on some music, and fulfil a fantasy or two. Be a smart “adult” camper. You might have some wild times. But first, you have to stop standing on your overgrown pride and have some fun with it.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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