Untimely intimacy too disruptive to routine
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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife is a wild woman. She likes to start making love to me when I’m asleep. That’s easy for her, because I always go to bed early at 9 or 10 p.m., and she goes to bed much later — after watching her recorded shows.
She has a big libido, and that’s partly while I married her, but her timing is awful. She says: “If I didn’t initiate anything when I’m going to bed, we’d never have sex, because you’re always snoring like a buzz saw.”
I’d love to have sex when I’m not dead tired from the physical labour of my job, which starts just after daybreak. And yes, I would want sex almost every day in a perfect world. But no, I don’t want to go to sleep sweaty and tired out in the wee hours when I start work at 5:30 a.m. Please help!
— Can’t Win With Wife, Fort Garry
Dear Can’t Win: It’s time you took a turn, and started waking your wife up 4:30 a.m. to initiate sex — before you dress and head off to work. After all, the sun’s up by that time, and so are you.
She might like it — or she might hate it. In that case, you might want to schedule two bouts a day of weekend sex and two mid-week sessions right after supper — a new dessert. That’s six sessions a week when you’re both wide awake. Good luck with that!
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Drama never seems to end in my family. I hardly have time to catch my breath between blow-ups — fights, court cases, divorces. Now, my health is suffering from the stress, and my husband wants me to cut ties with my family!
Last week, after a nasty blow-up with my sister and mother, he forbade them from coming over anymore, and he’s trying to intercept home calls before I can answer them. Luckily, I have a cellphone.
I still love my crazy drama-filled family but I also feel a sense of relief, and I have stopped having anxiety attacks. What should I do?
— Family Drama, West KIldonan
Dear Fam-Dram: Your family has to learn there are limits to what they can involve you in. Your home is your sanctuary now. If family members start screaming about your husband, you can blame the home rules on your emotional health and your protective partner.
This summer, you could still agree to meet them once in a while for coffee — but no bars as alcohol fuels emotions. Tell people you won’t be taking sides in any crises, and then follow up being annoyingly calm and non-committal. “It is what it is,” can be your new line. Next time there’s an issue, they won’t be contacting you in a hurry, as they love drama.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I felt it was time to meet this fabulous mystery man I connected with online. I was very excited to meet him, as he seemed to be everything I was looking for. Then, this very overweight man walked up to the table. I was in complete disbelief. My mouth dropped open as I looked at him. He looked nothing like his picture. The only thing that wasn’t wrong was his thick, dark hair. He looked 10-15 years older than his photo.
As he sat down, he said, “You look beautiful. Your eyes are what drew me to you!” Later, he went on to say, “But you’re more than a beautiful picture; I’m taken by your personality.” I could barely get through my coffee. I paid for both our coffees, and left in a hurry.
He called and left me a message, saying that I’m “superficial” and should look past his appearance, and that my looks will fade.
I’m not a superficial person, but I felt like I was duped. What do you think?—Shocked by his Trickery, Transcona
Dear Shocked: It was a type of lie. You were sent a photo from a decade-plus ago, when this man looked totally different — a deliberate ploy to entice you to meet with him. Did you notice he was all over you about your beautiful looks? That makes him superficial as well.
You had every right to get away fast. When someone lies about their basic looks, what other things will they misrepresent?
Please send your questions and comments to firstname.lastname@example.org or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.
Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.
Updated on Friday, July 29, 2022 9:37 AM CDT: Fixes byline