Don’t count on reviving high-school romance

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This article was published 17/10/2022 (1437 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Last week I ran into an old girlfriend from high school who just got hired at my work. I’m still in shock. She looks totally different, but has the same wry sense of humour. I can’t stop thinking about her and how she made me laugh the other day.

I don’t know why we broke up. We were just stupid kids, I suppose. I remember we had some kind of spat. I’m so curious about it now, I almost want to bring it up. Should I?

— Her High School Boyfriend, Fort Garry

Dear High School BF: It’s way too early to get into talking about intimate, negative stuff like fights you had many years ago. Establish a good working relationship in coming weeks, and just let the old half-memories go. Not that they will go away for good. The mind continues to work on problems we’re interested in, even when we’re not conscious of it.

One day your brain will dig up the memory of that breakup fight to you. Then you can decide what to do about discussing it. Lean towards saying nothing.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband is acting like a hypochondriac. He never used to be this way, but after I caught him cheating he figured out I would have to be nice to him again if he was feeling sick.

He is terrified I will leave him. Oddly enough, this can’t happen, but he hasn’t really thought that out.

Why won’t I leave him? We have several children and no other guy would want to take on this big family. On top of that, we need both of our paycheques to support our huge grocery bill, not to mention all the other expenses.

I also reported the cheating to the other woman’s husband. I hear he hasn’t taken it well, and is watching her like a hawk.

How can I get my stupid husband to knock off the fake illnesses, without telling him I won’t be leaving him? I just want him to stop acting like a big baby, and for us to get on with our lives. By the way, we do have a sex life again — not great, but it will do.

— Practical Wife, West End

Dear Practical Wife: Here is a short speech to use with your husband: “It would help our marriage and our family if you’d stop being ‘sick’ all the time. To a degree, I’ve gotten past this cheating, providing it never happens again. However, the children and I really need you to be well now and not miss work and put your job at risk. Can we make peace now and carry on with our family together?”

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: We closed up the cottage this weekend, and I drove home alone in my car. My husband had a truckload of other stuff so he travelled on his own. I realized on the way home I never want to leave the lake again. Our cottage could so easily be made four-season and it’s not on an island or anything. We could both work online from the lake!

When I got home, I was so moved by the idea, I put it to him that I wanted to live at the lake year-round. All he said was, “Well, I sure don’t.” Now I don’t know where to go with this. Please help.

— In Love with Our Beautiful Lake, north Winnipeg

Dear In Love: It takes two people deeply into a plan like this, to make such a dramatic move.

Instead, back right off pushing this unpopular idea. However, you should initiate one winter visit this year to see how it goes. You could even go with a girlfriend, if your husband doesn’t want to go. Winter visits can be a good reality check, as we don’t know how bitterly cold and lonely it can get when the summer gang goes home from the lake and it’s just you and the weather holed up there together.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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