Turning ‘maybe’ into ‘yes’ not down to bling

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 24/10/2022 (1428 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My common-law partner is driving me nuts. She kept the big honking diamond her first husband gave her. She put it into a pendant she wears on occasions when we’re dressed up — like weddings.

That’s embarrassing to me. People recognize that rock, because it has a distinctive shape. Everybody knows I could never afford that size of diamond.

Last night I asked her if she’d cash in that diamond if I gave her a beautiful ring — though smaller — and she said maybe.

Maybe! What do you think?

— Hurt Feelings, The Maples

Dear Hurt Feelings: You haven’t really proposed to this woman you live with. Instead, you just tried to float the idea of giving her an engagement ring so she’d cash in that annoying big one ex-husband gave her.

Yet, you’re wondering why she only said “maybe” and hurt your feelings?

Maybe you’ve been hurting her feelings for a long time by not asking to marry her. That’s probably the reason why she continues to bring out that big, old diamond from her ex, that embarrasses you so much.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went on a backpacking trip with two buddies in August. We ended up staying in hostels and cheap hotels with bars. Part of the way through the trip, I ended up cheating on my girlfriend. But, I still missed her a lot.

In fact, I’ve been falling more in love with her since I got back and feeling so guilty about my trip fling! Last night, I confessed to her, and recounted the story of how I had too much to drink and had sex with someone I met that night, despite having told myself I wouldn’t cheat.

Her reaction? She started to laugh and said, “Don’t feel so guilty. Did you think I stayed home and did nothing last summer, while you were away partying? I obviously had a better time than you did!”

I asked what she did, and she said, “The couple’s travelling rule is ‘don’t ask, don’t tell,’ so don’t ask me to fall into that trap. But, let’s just say we’re more than even!”

More than even? Now I’m eaten up with jealousy, and I’m mad at myself for not having a wilder time on my trip.

Now I want to know who all she slept with, and if it was any of my friends. Will these feelings ever go away, or do we have to break things off for good?

— Feeling So Lousy, south Winnipeg

Dear Feeling Lousy: Clearly your girlfriend is less jealous than you are, but then it sounds like she had a better time cheating. Being angry at being left behind can make a revenge feel pretty sweet.

Look, the girl you left behind isn’t particularly mad at you. If you can get over your own jealous feelings, there’s still a chance for you two. Then you could talk about all your positive feelings for each other, and see if you can still make it as a couple.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m 67, and have had a few “boyfriends” since my husband died a few years ago. They were all fun (and one was quite sexy), but they all wanted a wife and to be married again. Who wouldn’t want to be attended to lovingly?

I’m finished with that, to the point I use a cleaning service now. She’s wonderful, and even leaves me dinner and desserts in the oven.

I’m retired now, with lots of savings. I play bridge a lot, and love curling, golf and pickleball. I’m spending a lot of money on group travel this year — which I love with a passion.

The problem? I’d still like to have a “boyfriend” when I’m in the city, but how do I find a man who understands me?

— Modern Woman, Garden City

Dear Modern Woman: The trick is to make a pile of both male and female friends this fall and winter, who share your many interests. Don’t even try to find a boyfriend — just be open to it. More than one guy will fall into your net, so consciously pick one who’s not a homebody, and is super-attracted to a sporty and active travelling woman, like you. Good luck!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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