Don’t toy with casual lover’s deepening feelings

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This article was published 19/10/2022 (1416 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I had several nice women in my love life all summer. Our similar work took us in and out of town, and we all knew about each other — no secrets, very casual.

Now, one of the women in this group says she’s in love with me, and has asked me to be her man “exclusively.” Weird, eh? I’m 31, and just got asked to go steady.

Actually, it’s not a great feeling. I don’t want to date her exclusively, and I don’t want her laying claim to me and scaring anybody else off. What to do?

— Lone Ranger, Winnipeg outskirts

Dear Lone Ranger: There’s something about winter’s chill coming that makes many species want to snag a partner, find a cave and cuddle up until it gets warm again. You aren’t of that species — although you might look the part.

Since your group of casual lovers all know one another, be very careful how you handle this vulnerable woman. Her greatest sin? Her heart made the mistake of falling in love with you. Be kind! Don’t dabble with her every once in a while. She needs you to end it, because she isn’t going to be able to do so, at this point.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I ran into the first wife of my husband at a small neighbourhood event. I couldn’t dodge her this time! Usually, I can slip out a side door and be gone. Now she’s turned up at the last three events in our town.

I don’t want to exchange two words with her! As sugary-sweet as she can act to me, I’m so aware I married a man who once was her victim.

He’s a shy guy. He’d never hurt a flea, and she took advantage of that. She used to hit him with different kitchen utensils on the head and back because he was “lazy and didn’t get past grade school.” That poor guy was dyslexic and learned to work around it. He is quite proficient at his new career.

She likes to come up to me and actually has the nerve to ask how he’s doing! I usually mutter something so low and nasty she can’t hear it, and then turn and walk off. How should I handle her?

— Hate That Woman. rural Manitoba

Dear Hate: Next time, turn and look right at her, and say slowly and loudly, so someone else can hear: “I know what you’re guilty of, and have no desire to speak to you again. Stay away from me and my husband!” That should put a lid on it.

This bully thought you’d continue to be a silent victim of her special brand of harassment. Now she’s in your line of fire.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My neighbour is a competitive complainer, about politics and current issues. As a result, our yard doesn’t get raked. If he spots me out in my yard, he comes over and leans on his rake and starts blathering on about something that’s bothering him.

Then he goes to work carving up the politician and party responsible for it. We are at polar-opposite ends of the political scale, but he’s tougher than me. He hardly takes a breath.

My wife doesn’t mind a good scrap. Last weekend she picked up a second rake, and pretended to help while she took him on! She argued him into the ground. He went inside his house, in a huff.

Now she’s bugging me about not being able to handle that big mouth. Help! There are still a few afternoons of work left out there.

— Frustrated Debater, St. Vital

Dear Frustrated Debater: Agree with your wife heartily that she’s better at handling the neighbour guy, and cheerfully hand over the rest of the fall yard work to her. She can argue her face off with him, and you can agree on a swap with her for some other task she doesn’t like doing.

Wave to your neighbour as you drive off happily into the beautiful fall weather. He’s about to get a drubbing!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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