You’re only fighting the tide over mermaid costume

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 21/10/2022 (1082 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My daughter is crying because I refuse to sew or buy her a third mermaid costume. She grew out of the last two. One is in shreds from playing in it, year-round. She says I am a “mean mommy” and my husband, who is wound around her little finger, agrees with her.

Why can’t she grow up and see that Halloween is about witches and goblins and spooky characters? She is eight years old now, and she has never wanted to be anything but a mermaid on Halloween. I think it’s time to make a change. Who has the problem here?

— Frustrated Mommy, Whyte Ridge

Dear Frustrated Mommy: If this fight is about control, then Momma, you have already won! Your daughter can beg for the mermaid costume, and you can forbid it (unless Dad steps in). But, where does that get you?

There’s no need to clamp down on a little girl who dreams she’s a mermaid rather than a witch. What harm is there in that? Instead of crushing her further, apologize and tell your little one you didn’t understand how much she loves mermaids. Then buy or sew her the most beautiful costume you can, with an inch or two to let out, so she can wear it proudly another year or two.

PS: Your daughter might even want to get active with her fantasy and try out the locally offered mermaid swimming lessons (with beautiful mono-fin) at some point.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Every year, my sexy wife and I dress up for Halloween and answer the door for a few hours. Then we go upstairs to our bedroom — which she decorates for that special night. We open a bottle of wine, and act out a scene dictated by our sexy character costumes. Every other year it’s been a lot of fun. This year it’s become problematic.

She says she’s “bored” and wants to invite a female guest who is a friend from her new theatre crowd. We can all do a scene together, she says, like the foolish woman she is becoming. “You’ll like her — great imagination!” is what my wife innocently says, like she’s just talking about improvising a scene.

That’s the problem — maybe I’d like her friend too much. She’d be new, therefore more exciting. On the other hand, maybe I’d find her repulsive. Or maybe, I’d just feel awkward or ignored by the two of them. My wife is naive and not listening to me. What can I do, other than just not show up on Halloween night?

— Too Smart to be Played, River Heights

Dear Smart: Ask your wife calmly how she’d like it if you brought home a guy for a sex scene with the three of you on Halloween night. Ask her to tell you how she thinks it’d go.

Then simply tell her: “I don’t want someone new in our bed, and I’m not accepting this invitation for many reasons.”

You have a perfect right to say that to your spouse. She does not own you, even though you are married. What is she thinking, bringing home competition? You’re protecting your marriage by not opening the door to this mess.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Every year my husband puts on his same old vampire costume and sets up a non-alcoholic bar for the parents of the trick-or-treaters. Then he waits — with the biggest treats in the neighbourhood! He buys excellent stuff to hand out and everybody knows that by now. Lots of people come by our house.

I just come out and take photos of him and his visitors — the neighbourhood parents with their kiddies in costume. My man will always love Halloween, and quietly takes care of what he needs to do to make it right. He even plays Halloween music from his bar. I just love him for taking responsibility happily and “gettin’ ’er done” the way he loves it.

— Vampire’s Ever-loving Wife, Charleswood

Dear Vampire’s Wife: I believe I’ve heard from you before, but I am not complaining. It sounds like you have a fine partnership and a beautiful understanding of your husband. It’s sweet you leave it to him to shape Halloween night exactly the way he wants, and to cheer him on from the sidelines!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.