Chalk lack of brotherly love up to shame

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This article was published 09/11/2022 (1425 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: When my older brother got out of jail the first time, he was in pretty good shape — not hooked on anything. But he got in trouble again anyway, with an old buddy from jail.

When he got out the second time, he went looking for his old friends again, not for me — his flesh-and-blood younger brother! I’m the guy who idolized him and used to play with from morning until night.

How do you get over the fact your own brother doesn’t want to see you anymore, for no reason?

— Hurts Me, northwest Winnipeg

Dear Hurts: Oh, there’s a reason. It could be that he gets into activities and substances you don’t know about, and then he sure doesn’t want to see the brother who idolized him when he was a kid!

There’s also a reason he boomeranged right back into jail the second time. Plus, a lot of guys with nowhere to live may get into just enough trouble so they’re back in jail where there’s food and shelter during our six months of freezing weather.

The biggest factor is likely that your brother doesn’t want you to see him when he’s not feeling admirable. His friends from jail are in the same boat as he is, and he feels more comfortable around them.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My buddy went away to university in another city and left behind his girlfriend who’s in grade 12. He’s admitted to me lately that he’s lonely. I know she’s having a pretty good time here in town. I’m her age and in some of her classes.

There’s a guy here in the school who’s chasing after her, and she seems to be noticing him more and more. It looks like they’re actually becoming close. Should I let my buddy know what’s going on, so he can try to step up his game, or just keep my mouth shut and let whatever happens, happen?

PS: She’s cute and athletic, and I like her a little too much myself.

— Feeling Guilty, central Manitoba

Dear Guilty: If you didn’t have eyes for this girl yourself, you’d warn your buddy about the other guy, no question about it! He’d probably come racing home from college for a couple of weekend visits to try to shore up his romantic relationship. And, he’d be grateful to you!

If you can’t bring yourself to warn your pal, then step back (don’t actually chase this girl!) and see who she chooses of her own accord.

Your best hope for getting her as a girlfriend — and keeping your old buddy as a friend — is if he finds a new girlfriend at university. No one could blame you for hoping that happens!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I don’t want to hibernate like a big old bear the way I did last two winters, with COVID all around us. But, my old friends are reacting in a wild and crazy way to the “end” of the isolation they felt. They are buying lots of tickets to sporting events, shows and entertainment events — “super-spreaders” to my thinking.

Last week, I had two offers to buy expensive tickets to big concerts with my bestie and some of her other friends. Half of me was dying to go — and the other half was afraid. So, I said no.

Now that friend is annoyed and has told me she’s going to stop phoning and trying to include me in these group-ticket buys, which makes me feel rejected, like I’m a big baby, which maybe I am. What should I do?

— Still Scared of Getting Sick, Fort Garry

Dear Scared: Start saving for a vehicle or a big trip somewhere, and use that as your reason for skipping the big ticket “super-spreader” events.

The point now is for friends who feel differently about the dangers of COVID to stop pointing fingers at each other, and just freely protect themselves as much as they want to — while still remaining in touch.

Instead of chatting back and forth via text or social media, make a big phone list and get on the horn for intimate calls with friends where you can get a feel for one another’s emotions and feeling. Also, try to start inviting people over to socialize in small groups again.

You could also initiate small activities outside the house with one or two friends. For instance, there are times when there’s hardly anybody at movie theatres, and it would be almost like a private showing for your little group.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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