Sudden smartphone convert needs intervention

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This article was published 08/12/2022 (1343 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband swore up and down for decades he’d never buy a cellphone, and when they got the internet on them, he doubled down, saying they were the “dumbest thing” he’d ever seen, that they were the “end of polite society” and more.

Then his darling granddaughter got him a smartphone for his birthday. He has been glued to the thing ever since! It’s been two months of him using the thing all day, every day.

Now I’m the one sick of it. How can I have this conversation with him? Three months ago, I never would have imagined I would be here.

—Feeling Ignored, Fort Garry

Dear Ignored: Start by saying this to your husband: “I want to spend time with you and enjoy your attentions again. Let’s go out for coffee, cocktails, lunch, dinner, Christmas shopping — you name it — and leave the phones at home.”

If that doesn’t work, it’s time to let him know how much his phone-y affair is hurting you and consider getting some counselling — first alone and then with him. Once he sees you are that upset, he may refuse counselling (older men often feel embarrassed) but he might be willing to put the phone down and talk with you seriously about limiting phone time.

Who cares if your husband is on his phone watching news or videos, or playing games when you’re apart? It’s when he’s right there with you at home, and he prefers staring at the phone that it feels so hurtful and disrespectful to you and your loving relationship, which should be more important.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Regarding “Generational Loss,” the person who lost his grandparents and would like to have contact with older people, I’d recommend contacting the recreation director at any nursing home, and through an interview they’ll figure out what could be your best fit — in a group setting, or one-on-one.

They’ll also find out your interests. There are programs that specialize and target people for one-on-one friendships with residents, and some are paid positions. Hope this helps.

— Been There, Done That, Winnipeg

Dear Done That: Some people can figure out where they’d like to go to help near them, but need to know who to contact. Your letter provided a useful the answer. Thanks!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: In regard to “Generational Loss,” a number of nursing homes are now welcoming back volunteers to help out with recreation programs and also to come as occasional visitors who can share stories with residents.

Sometimes you can share a special skill. A friend and I do a short musical activity with residents; they love having people come in and spend time with them. The volunteers must wear masks (and eye coverings, in our case), but you can still have a good visit. Phone a nursing home and find out how to get involved.

— Musically Connected, Manitoba

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: In response to the letter writer who misses connections with the older generation, assisted-living facilities often need volunteers to run recreation programs, such as bingo, help with decorating for holidays, and more.

I know people who have done this, and have developed lovely relationships with the folks in the facility. There are many such facilities. If they give the volunteer co-ordinator a call, they will no doubt be thrilled to hear from them.

— Wanting to Help, Winnipeg

Dear Wanting to Help and Musically Connected: Thanks for your new suggestions of ways to help out with seniors — your contributions are much appreciated.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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