Calling Mom before drop-in could warm things up

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This article was published 24/12/2022 (1330 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR READERS: Christmas and Hanukkah are here along with drifts of sparkling snow — clogging up all the lanes! But have you noticed this quirky change? Nobody’s seriously complaining about weather anymore. They just shrug their shoulders and say, “It’s only weather!” The pandemic quickly showed us what real trouble can be.

Unfortunately, COVID and the rampant flu this year brought a lot of emotional stress — and a deep loneliness for many that’s lasting far too long. Here’s wishing 2023 is a year of recovery for everyone! And remember, when you do have a problem and need help, you can always write Miss Lonelyhearts.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m debating if I should get in touch with my mother for Christmas Eve. I’m not on good terms with my stepfather, but I heard from my sister that he’s working until midnight that evening. I’ve thought about sneaking over there with a card and present for my mom, and leaving it on the step.

The fight is with my stepfather — not with my mother — but he rules the roost, and he can get mean. I got into some drug-related problems, but I’m clean now, got my own place and I’m working a steady job.

I know my mother would probably want to see me, and I’d like to give her a hug. Please advise!

— Free and Clean, Winnipeg

Dear Free and Clean: As a mother, I can tell you there’s a bond so strong with your kids, it usually can’t be denied. So, Mom might be disappointed if you only dropped a gift on her step. Also, your stepfather might be the one to find the gift when he comes home from work. And who knows, he might throw it out and not even deliver it!

So, call your mom before you head out, and ask her if you can deliver a card and gift for her, on her doorstep. That phone call leaves her the option of inviting you to come in for little visit.

Or not! She might warn you not to come at all. If other family members tell her husband you were there for a secret visit, it could be bad for her. The last gift you want to give your mom this Christmas is a pack of trouble. She will appreciate your being sensitive to her situation, and at least you’ll be able to talk freely together on the phone for a few minutes.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m feeling lost. I need something to do on Christmas Eve, as my wife is a nurse and will be working at the hospital, and I’ll be on my own.

Got any last-minute bright ideas for a guy like me? I’m a musician without a gig that night, or most any night these days.

— All By Myself, St. Boniface

Dear All By Myself: Singing phone calls can be fun. Just make a list of friends and relatives to call. Then do it! Announce who’s calling, and say, “I have a little song to sing for you!” Launch into a maximum of two or three verses. Then, chat for a few minutes, wish the listeners the best season ever — and get on to the next lucky recipient. You might even inspire people you’re calling to start doing the same, particularly the other musicians you know.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m pregnant, and we just had a baby a year ago. My husband said he didn’t want more babies for a few years, as it’s been too hard financially since I surprised him by staying home with the baby.

He asked me point-blank to start taking the pill. I did use it for a bit, and then kind of forgot about it a lot of days.

I thought I might tell him about the baby coming on Christmas Day. What do you think? Who can be mad on that day? Or, should I save it until Valentine’s Day maybe? I’m not feeling morning sickness.

— New Baby Coming, Fort Richmond

Dear New Baby: Shocking your husband with a Christmas present of a second baby he said he couldn’t yet afford will be a shock to his system, and he’ll be upset. Leaving your confession until Valentine’s Day means living a very long lie.

Confessing in the new year makes more sense, but not on New Year’s Day when the lie will mark an anniversary you’re both very likely to remember in future years. Also, there needs to be a serious talk and an apology for tricking your husband. Consider taking on a half-time job to help out with the family finances, as he is feeling too much strain already.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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