Air fidelity fears, but don’t let jealousy consume you

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 08/03/2023 (944 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband works in an arts-related field where he’s around beautiful, ambitious women. When I was younger it didn’t bother me, because I was aware I was good-looking myself. But now I’m older, and the women he works with seem younger and younger. There’s an endless supply of them in his type of work. With him being away on projects a lot, and us getting older and having less sex, I worry his eyes are wandering.

I’ve asked him about it a couple of times and he says, “Don’t be so insecure. There’s nothing to worry about!” Yeah, the old cheaters’ line. Do you have any tips for dealing with these intense feelings of jealousy?

— Jealous and Uneasy, south Winnipeg

Dear Jealous and Uneasy: It’s difficult to have a mate who’s constantly surrounded by attractive people at work. Some ambitious people — especially young ones — may think seducing a person in power will advance their career. One woman I know of, in a similar situation to yours, evened the playing field with her husband by saying, “I’ve been true to you so far. But if you dishonour me by cheating, you should know there’s at least one man who’d want to help me even that score.”

One might argue that statement will just act as a dare, but, if your guy is guilty of some misbehaving, he’ll know your blinders are off. That could stop him from going any further. As for handling your jealousy, start making an effort to have fun times again when you’re with your husband — and you could feel your marriage growing stronger again.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m an artist who creates fairly niche sexual art. I earn good money doing so, but have recently started seeing a special woman. In the past, my work has turned some women off. By the way, I’m also a woman.

I really wish people paid the same amount of money for regular art as they do for “adult” art, but the world just isn’t like that. How can I introduce the sweet new woman in my life to my work without overwhelming her or totally freaking her out? She is pretty conservative and “vanilla,” so I’m worried about this.

— Special Kind of Artist, rural Manitoba

Dear Special: Show her the work you do before you get in any deeper. Explain the situation first and then show her everything you make to sell. You’re not going to feel good carrying a secret and hiding your work, and it will cramp your creativity.

She might surprise you by not being as shocked as you had thought. If she doesn’t like what you do, what’s next? Looking for somebody who does accept you. Life is short, and living a lie can literally make people sick.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I married an athlete who has turned into an out-of-shape lump. He’s a former football player who worked out and kept healthy for many years. Now we’re into our early 30s, he only leaves the house to go to work where he sits at a desk. He comes home and sits around watching sports on TV, eats fattening snacks all night and gains weight every month. I’m going nuts watching this!

I married an athlete because I, too, am an athlete. I’m still a runner and take care of myself. I wanted someone who would do the same. I can’t believe he’s already given up in his 30s. Am I being unfair? He’s told me my “expectations are not realistic.” I feel I was sold a false story about how much he cared about looking after himself. Please advise.

— Fit and Frustrated, Charleswood

Dear Fit and Frustrated: When he was fit and playing football, it was a team sport involving a lot of people on the same social wavelength. They worked out together to play the game well. Now that purpose is finished and many fitness buddies from his teams are gone. Football is done, and he doesn’t want to join you in your running, or he’d have done it already.

Your man needs a new sport — and maybe you can be a part of it. Aside from running, do you like sports such as tennis or dodgeball, where you could play all year round? If he becomes good at another sport, his competitive spirit will come back, plus he’ll enjoy meeting new athletic people who could become friends.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.