There’s no sneaky subtext to post-cinema candour

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 10/03/2023 (1280 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife asked me if it’d be alright with me if she went to see a movie near her office with somebody from out of town who’s helping with the special project she’s working on.

I said, “Sure, why should that bother me?” But then, when she got home late, she was blabbing about this guy a lot. She seemed to think he was “it” when it comes to movie knowledge.

I found myself getting short with her when she quoted him a half dozen times in regard to the movie. Finally I said, “You like this guy a lot, don’t you?” She said, “No, and I just knew you’d be a jerk about this! You may have married me, but you don’t own me.” What is that suppose to mean?

— Blindsided Husband, St. James

Dear Blindsided: If your wife was hot for this out-of-towner, she would have hidden her conversation with him from you. Instead, she asked your permission to go with him to the film.

People just hate to be accused of being sneaky, especially when they have taken great pains to be the exact opposite. Apologize, and let it go.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My old girlfriend from college looked me up and called me at work. She said she was “in the vicinity” and asked if she could treat me to lunch. Right! I said I’d go, because I’m a sucker for food and for a woman who’d track me down and chase me.

Just joking! The truth is I went because I’m lonely ever since my wife decided I was not her “forever man,” after all. I hate that phrase. The bottom line? We weren’t successful in starting a family together in three years of trying, and we were both tired of the failed baby project. I think she just wanted to get away from me.

By the way, I knew the non-pregnancy was probably not down to me, because I’d accidentally gotten a girl pregnant in college. We were still teenagers, and she didn’t continue with the pregnancy. That very same girl, as fate would have it, was my lunch date.

I hardly recognized her when she came in. She’s changed big time — lost 20 pounds or more and dyed her long hair a golden red. The sun through the window caught her hair and it looked like it was on fire. I was flustered, because she literally looked hot. I forgot to make small talk and just blurted out: “Why did you call me?”

She said, “I missed you!” which made us both laugh, because she probably didn’t. I suspect our mothers ran into each other and talked. I’m not sorry they did!

Unfortunately, my date was open with me about the fact she’s looking for “the one” and to start the whole family thing now. I’m 30 like she is, but God knows I’m not in emotional shape for a serious relationship again. Then there’s the making-a-baby project, which I recently struck out at, repeatedly.

What is wise? Should I ask this hot old girlfriend to call me in six months? Actually, I don’t even want to wait six days! The kiss goodbye after lunch ignited both of us. I really want her — as in the sensual her.

— On Fire for Her, downtown Winnipeg

Dear On Fire: This bold lady is not the type to sit around, and she’ll be calling you if you take too long to make contact again. You already know her as a warm human being, and there’s still a big sexual attraction both ways. Plus, if you reunite, you might be able to put away part of your fear about not being able to make a baby with someone.

Do you want this woman as a person, aside from the sex? If not, you’d better run because she’s looking for the whole package!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a gay woman in my mid-20s, with some amazing tattoos that mean a lot to me. They’re not in plain view, because I have a serious job and some people have prejudices about tattoos.

I entertained myself by getting many new tattoos (some of them very small) during COVID, when I didn’t have a lover. Now my body is a wonderland for the right woman, but I just haven’t met her yet.

The trouble is, word has gotten out from people who know me well. Now too many folks (not even real friends) are asking to see my body art. I fear some people might just think I’m a sideshow.

I recently started seeing this new woman, and in the end she really didn’t want to have a romantic experience with me. After two dates, she confessed she really just wanted to see what was hidden under my clothes. I felt hurt and embarrassed, as I’m a sensitive person. How can I prevent this from happening again?

— Nobody’s Sideshow, Wolseley

Dear Nobody’s Sideshow: You could sort people out by asking them in a nice way what they know about the art of tattooing, and if they have any of their own. If they don’t, you say, “You’re so interested in tattoos, you might enjoy getting one” and then give them the business card of an artist you trust.

If they were just hoping to “sight-see” your skin art, that’ll turn them off and they won’t bother asking again. If you’d like a message to spread around your workplace, tell a few talkative people you keep your tattoos private, and soon people will stop asking.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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