Best response to aging body ‘theory’ is positivity

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 09/03/2023 (1307 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife recently said a lot of older people get out-of-shape, and start looking more like the opposite sex.

I was shocked but acted cool and pressed her for more detail. Dumb move! She said I have a “softer, rounder” body now, than when we met.

Then, when she saw the shock on my face, she quickly said when we met in college, I was “broad at the shoulder and narrow at the hip” like a line from the old song Big John. She said she felt like I was her “protector.”

Does she really look at me and think I look more like a woman now? Can I talk about this with my friends? I don’t think so.

I can’t talk to my wife either, and I don’t reach for her in bed. I’ve totally lost desire for her, now she thinks I look like an old woman.

It’s hard to pretend everything is OK. One more thing I should say: Do I think she looks more like a man now she’s older? Well, yeah, I do now.

— Her Unmanly Husband, Fort Richmond

Dear Husband: Your wife’s comments were quite hurtful, and there’s a chance she was aware they would be. But don’t make the mistake of discussing your wife’s theory with guy friends. It’ll just make you feel self-conscious, and they don’t need to know what goes on between you and your wife at a level this personal.

What she said was rude, but there’s some truth in it. Instead of sulking, use the kick of your wife’s insult to get yourself back into shape — even if she doesn’t. If she starts noticing and makes a comment about you working out, invite her to join you.

As for taking off some extra weight to make you look less soft and round, it will show quickly when you’re building up muscle at the same time.

Speaking of diets, your wife may be eating her words in the near future.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My best friend cheated on her boyfriend for the second time I know of in the past few months. The first time it happened, we were all at a party and she disappeared for a while. All our friends knew, but she’s a fast talker and sold her “little slip” as a huge, drunken mistake.

Recently we were at an after-work drinks party, and she disappeared again for a long time, only to return looking sheepish. The guy she was with this time arrived shortly after. One of us asked them loudly where they were. They just ignored us, and tried to change the subject. Cringe levels were off the charts!

The really crappy part is she’s dating a great guy I know well. He wasn’t at the party, because he works all the time.

I feel badly because I didn’t say anything to her the first time, and she got away without paying any price at all. I really think she needs to learn a lesson, but what should it be?

— Good Friend or Bad Friend? St. James

Dear Good Friend: Your responsibility is to speak directly to your best friend. Tell her other friends are also aware of her cheating, as they see her coming back to the group at the party all tousled from a hot session with a new guy. Let her know it’s embarrassing to have her as a best friend when she does this!

She might tell you to “lighten up,” or say “it’s none of your business.” You can tell her it is your business — people judge others by the friends they keep, and she’s become embarrassing because of the mean way she openly treats her poor boyfriend.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I feel sick. I moved back home for the first time in a long while — in my late 20s — after I got dumped. My 18-year-old brother is still living at home, and he’s a spoiled kid.

The other night I caught him taking money from Dad’s cash drawer. When I confronted him, he told me Dad wouldn’t even notice, and I have a job and money, so I should just mind my own business. He also said it wasn’t a big deal. I think it is, but I didn’t stop him.

Now what do I do? I don’t want him to get kicked out of the house, but he is stealing.

— Big Brother, St. Vital

Dear Big Brother: Tell your parents, and let your brother take the flack he deserves. If he gets away with stealing from Dad and you cover for him, he may try it on a bigger scale out in the real world. In the family context, there can be remorse and forgiveness, and a repayment plan.

In the world at large, there could be criminal ramifications for this kind of behaviour.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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