Outside help could ease domestic stress for you both

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 23/09/2023 (758 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: When I came home exhausted from my nursing day shift last week, my new “house-husband” was nowhere to be found. The place was a total mess, and no dinner put together. I looked everywhere, and finally found him and our dog snoozing on the sofa down in the rec room, with the big TV showing endless sports.

I picked up the empty beer bottles all around them, and then yelled, “You’re fired!” My husband opened his eyes and laughed, and said to the dog, “I guess it worked.” I was furious!

Apparently my house husband couldn’t care less about his job at home after just three months. In the spring, he’d convinced me to enter this arrangement with him, because he was getting too old for manual labour and his arthritis was killing him. He said he “ached in places he shouldn’t ache!”

He said he knew my nursing job was very tough at the hospital, and claimed he wanted to quit his job and do the cooking and cleaning, and to make a big garden for us. He promised he’d relieve me of all the hassles in my life, beyond my difficult job. I foolishly went for the plan.

Now, here’s the suspicious part. After our fight last week, he went back to work just two days later at his old workplace! And, get this, he has exactly the same schedule and job description. After his shifts, he started going out for a few beers with his old pals again. Absolutely nothing was different from his life before he “quit.”

I smell a rat! Either he got himself re-hired after quitting in just one phone call, or he secretly took a summer break from work, and lied to me about the “house-husband” bit. I’m betting on the latter. He’s not admitting to anything.

I must admit I really liked the idea of having the house looked after, the cooking done and nothing for me to do when I got home dead-tired. But now, just three months later, that’s all been jerked away. My “double shift” of work and home tasks is all back. I feel sick. Help!

— Upset and Suspicious, south Winnipeg

Dear Upset: Why should either of you have to ache in secret places? Cleaning the house and doing the cooking doesn’t have to be “all on you,” or all on your husband for that matter. You two are both bringing in money, and have just the dog at home to support.

Both of you now love the idea of having a housekeeper. So, as a couple, hire someone to clean, and maybe also to cook a certain number of meals each week. You’ll pay them extra on top of the cleaning hours, of course. Then this fight could be all over!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I feel sick to my stomach. My wife is cheating on me. I can tell by the way she picks her words very carefully when she talks about where she was, when she doesn’t make it home until very late.

She has memberships to some women’s groups and claims she’s been at meetings, but sometimes she gets her excuses mixed up. I know her schedule better than she does.

Finally, I got so upset I had a buddy follow her. She’s been going to a guy’s house, and not far from our home!

I’m not a violent man, but I hate being lied to. My first wife cheated on me, and this one promised she’d never be like that. I told her about my past, and how much my cheating wife had hurt me. Why would she do that to me?

—Twice Decimated, River Heights

Dear Decimated: You have learned twice now that you’re attracted to the type of person who might deceive you down the road. It’s time to see a psychologist to help you identify this type of person ahead of time, and to push away from them before you get involved — and possibly betrayed.

Sometimes, revealing how other people have deceived you is the worst thing you can do with a new partner. Some people like you are so innocent they believe they should divulge all life experiences — no matter how painful — to a new love. In many cases, that’s not the best idea!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.