Be upfront with brother about zest for Halloween

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 07/10/2023 (743 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I grew up in a strict religious family in Ontario where my relations were against almost everything fun, especially “evil” Halloween. They were against Valentine’s Day, Christmas presents that weren’t about religion and poor old Santa Claus! The Easter Bunny and its chocolate gifts were also a no-no. Outside those celebrations, they were against rock music, dancing, drugs and alcohol. I left southern Ontario to get away from this nonsense, and never looked back!

The celebration they hated most — Halloween — is the one I enjoy most with my wife and kids, and we do it up big-time here in Winnipeg. Unfortunately, my oldest brother and his little family have just let us know they’re coming through Manitoba to go to a religious conference, and will be stopping in Winnipeg to see us “on and around Oct. 31.”

That’s our Halloween “week.” We will be in the middle of it, and cars will certainly be driving by our place as we have the best-decorated house for blocks — lights, ghouls, spooky music, the whole works! I don’t want them staying here and putting a damper on our celebrations.

I’m thinking about renting them a nice hotel someplace downtown for their stay, and taking them out for a meal or two at some restaurants. What do you think? What should I tell them?

— Evil Brother, Winnipeg outskirts

Dear Evil Brother: Be upfront about the situation, and do it right away. Tell your brother you will be in the middle of celebrating Halloween and you always do it up in a big way with lighting and spooky characters on the lawn. Tell him you realize in the past, he has agreed with your parents about Halloween being evil. Ask him if he still feels this way.

If that turns out to be the case, tell him you’ve decided to gift him and his family with a hotel stay when they’re briefly in Winnipeg. Tell him you’ll be happy to come and take them out to dinner, but there’s really no point in their coming by the house on this trip.

The message you need to get across is you that care for your brother, but you are not going to put up with any attempts at interference over your lifestyle. If your brother had hoped to see you and talk some “sense” into you, he’ll realize you’re not receptive, and he needs to save his breath. He and his wife might suddenly decide to bypass Winnipeg altogether on this trip. Be gracious about that, as it’s not the best time for either of you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I ran into my girlfriend from Grade 9, and it was a shock! We are both pretty good-looking now, especially her. Back in junior high school, she had braces and crazy fly-away hair. I was skinny and tall and had what I thought was terminal acne. She is beautiful now, and I got rid of the skin problem and developed a few muscles.

The reason we broke up was we were getting too hot. We came very close to having sex at age 14. She freaked out, and basically ran away from me. We were always funny together, so when we ran into each other again recently, she started teasing me — and also dropping sexy hints.

We decided to go straight to a bar, where we proceeded to have too many drinks, and guess what happened? She invited me to her apartment and we were there for the rest of the weekend! We had a great time catching up and making love — but that was enough for her. I guess she fulfilled a fantasy.

Last night I finally managed to get her on the phone, and she confessed she already has a steady boyfriend. She hadn’t mentioned that little fact before she spent two days in bed with me! Where was the boyfriend then? She didn’t say. Do you think he really exists? Now what?

— Shocked and Hurt, downtown Winnipeg

Dear Shocked: “No” is a hard thing to hear after a weekend of great sex, as you had with this old girlfriend. Unfortunately, sex doesn’t always go hand-in-hand with love. The point is, your old sweetheart does not want to see you again romantically. Her heart seems to be elsewhere, or she may be trying to let you down gently.

Consider this as a balm for your wound: This ex-girlfriend turns out to still be unable to handle things with explanations. Apparently, she hasn’t changed that much from Grade 9, when she cut off your young relationship and left you with so many unanswered questions and a lot of hurt. You can do better than this woman, in the adult world.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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