Big brother’s behaviour insultingly immature

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m being used as a “go-fer” by my older brother’s friends because I bought a cool, funky old van.

I started out more than happy to help my family, using my vehicle to pick up big parcels and grocery orders for our mom. But then my oldest brother became the worst user of me and my van, getting me to run all kinds of errands for him and his buddies and even just handing them the keys to drive it themselves when I’m not around.

I finally had to tell him sternly I did not buy my van to be taken advantage of and do unpaid work for him and his crew. I went on to say I’d only run errands in my van for them for pay now, and there would be no more of his friends taking it out for joy rides.

He said to me, “I know where this is headed.” Then he put the word out that my truck was off limits. People stopped calling. My friendship with my older bro is in the ditch now. How do I make up with the guy who’s barely speaking to me?

— Unpopular Younger Brother, North Kildonan

Dear Unpopular: You’ve regained your ride, plus learned a lot. These friends of your brother were never your friends until that van came into your life and they laid eyes on it.

Reckless young men are more than happy to get behind the wheel of someone else’s vehicle for a few hours. Whether they’re taking your van out joyriding or using its private space for a romantic rendezvous, they likely just see it as a fun new toy for which they’re not ultimately responsible.

Do you think they would step up to pay any photo-radar speeding tickets they incurred while driving it?

Let your older brother cool off and show him some ads for similar used vehicles he can pass along to his friends. He’ll probably give you a smirk and say they would never waste money buying one of their own. Don’t expect a big apology from him for using your van to boost his popularity. It’s not coming.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend has secured a job for the season at a ski resort in Quebec, and she gave me no warning she was applying for work away from here. Now I’m looking at her being away for the whole winter, or longer, if she finds a boyfriend out there.

Should I tell her I want my freedom for the time she’s away, or should I hang in there trying to be true and hope she comes back to me in the spring? I don’t trust her to be alone and single all winter at a fun place like a ski resort.

Also, she’s probably pretty confident boring old me — the forever student — would never find anyone here while she’s away working, anyway. I’m not stupid. Is it even worthwhile to ask her to be true to me?

This is the woman I thought I was in love with, but it seems she’s not that closely bound to me. I can’t live on messaging and phone calls, I need warm body-on-body love and attention.

— Too Much to Ask? St. James

Dear Too Much: Your situation is the reason a lot of young couples take a “relationship break” for the period when one person takes a temporary job far away.

In this kind of arrangement, they still talk on the phone if they can manage it without major jealousy.

Sometimes this can work better than going through a full-on breakup before someone departs for their work destination, and then experiencing the resultant depression.

My theory is, “Don’t break somebody’s heart if you don’t need to because it will never be forgotten.”

With this approach, there is the understanding one partner may connect with someone else, but you can cross bridge if you come to it.

Who knows, maybe a bit of distance will bring the two of you together in ways you didn’t expect.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.