Longing for lasting love, not Christmas crushes

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I fell in love with another woman this Christmas — the third Christmas crush I’ve had in my life. There’s something about the season, the lights and the happy music that gets to me!

Unfortunately, the passion and warmth dies down by the new year and taking down the tree and decorations often spells the end of the romance for shallow me.

I know it’s kind of crazy. I’ve been to a psychologist recommended by a friend to work through my festive season mini-affairs — who laughed at my crushes, diminishing the importance of them. It’s a more serious problem than that.

I have some notion as to why this is a pattern of behaviour for me, but still don’t know how to get rid of it. My mother really loved Christmas, and that was the only time of the year I remember her and dad actually getting along — even as far as singing carols together and being romantic.

I really want to get over my holiday crushes that disappear when the season is over and leave me feeling depressed and cold. I’m in my late 20s now and really want to have a heart that works the way other people’s seem to.

— Longing For Real Love, St. James

Dear Longing: It’s disappointing you went to a psychologist who actually laughed at your recurring Christmas flings. But take heart, because it sounds like you’re getting close to having it figured out yourself.

What you really need now is a good psychiatrist or psychologist your physician knows and trusts to help you untie the final knot that keeps you from real and lasting love relationships in your life — year-round.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My old love from college came back to Winnipeg for the holidays to see his family and we bumped into each other at two separate parties thrown by people we know.

It was really unsettling! At the end of one party he took my hand and said to me “I don’t remember why we broke up.” Of course he doesn’t! He has very selective memory. He cheated on me (more than once), but it never meant much to him as that was just what he and his buddies on a travelling sports team were expected to do.

He keeps phoning me now and I don’t know what to do. I don’t trust him — not then and not now — but he does seem more “loving” now that he’s older — not the tough talker he used to be.

What do you think? Should I give him another chance?

— Wavering, Whyte Ridge

Dear Wavering: People who are accustomed to getting away with cheating may eventually cease the hurtful behaviour, particularly when a relationship is new and exciting. But remember, they still have the old skills to call upon when the relationship loses heat and excitement.

That’s the chance you take with a guy like this, but it feels like you may be willing to take it. Let’s hope he’s finally grown up!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.