You can work out your social situation

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: When I was a young bisexual guy going to university and working in bars at night, I was surrounded by new people — guys and girls all the time.

There were a lot of great late-night parties after work, and I always had my eye on somebody new. I was never lonely in those days. Where did all that fun and happiness go?

Now I’m a few years older with a career and don’t need a job as a bartender to help support me. But it seems like there’s nobody around to meet, other than at bars.

Also, I’m realizing that while there are lots of straight people out there looking for fun and relationships, it’s hard to convince them that I could be true to them alone, being bisexual. But I’m true to whomever I’m with — and I only want one lover at a time.

The sad part is I’m too often simply alone now. What can I do about this?

— Lonely Bi Guy, Winnipeg

Dear Lonely Bi Guy: While you don’t need it now, sometimes people in your position find they have a better social life if they have a part-time job outside of their serious work. For you, that could include filling in for partial shifts at a bar or restaurant — maybe one that employed you in the past and would love to have you back.

If former bosses have moved on, find out where they are now and drop in at their workplaces, too. It can be a relief to get seasoned workers back (even for an occasional shift) when they’ve been good employees before. There could still be a great place for you that could help solve your problem.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: A cabin next to my parents’ place has come up for sale, and we can afford it. However, my wife is saying no because she doesn’t want to be up there with our kids right next door to her mother-in-law. (My mom is lots of fun, but she’s a little pushy. OK, a lot pushy.)

It’s a great deal money-wise and my mom says she could likely talk the seller down even lower if my wife and I give her the go-ahead to do so.

What do you think?

— Excited to Buy, Whiteshell

Dear Excited: Already your mother is trying to take over. A cabin should be a second home for you and your family — not an addition to your mom and dad’s property.

Your wife is right about mama running the show at the lake, and that can be tricky for a young marriage.

Why aren’t you and your wife looking after your own cabin hunt and purchase? You promised loyalty to your wife when you married her, so don’t forget that. Tell your mom straight up that you need some physical distance and real privacy at the lake, and lay out the reasons why.

She won’t like it, but she needs to hear you say it ASAP, and your wife needs to know you’ve said it, too.

If your mom sulks for a bit, so what? She loves her son and she’ll get over it. It’s your wife’s needs and feelings you have to think about to keep your marriage healthy and strong.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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