Ex’s stubborn persistence no laughing matter

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: When I got into a bank lineup recently, I had no idea who queued up behind me, because I was too busy checking my phone. Then I heard this guy say down my neck, “Just as beautiful as ever!”

I whirled around and saw my ex-boyfriend grinning at me. I waited for him to finish at the bank, so we could go for coffee at a breakfast place and catch up. But that was it for me — coffee and a chat! Unfortunately, he wants more of “us” and he’s been calling me every night since. The guy’s in sales now, and he’s using his new techniques, but he’s going overboard and really annoying me now!

How do you tell a past boyfriend to cease and desist? To be fair, he’s said nothing overly inappropriate, except how he’s really loving my new look and that he wants to see me again. Why isn’t he getting the hint when I refuse all his suggestions to do more together?

— Getting Fed Up, East Kildonan

Dear Fed Up: Since this old boyfriend is in sales now, and you gave him a new opening to see you, he may think it’s only a matter of charming you with his new skills. He’s trying to wearing you down, and get you back by chipping away at your resistance to him.

Next time he calls, say kindly but firmly, “It was nice running into you again, but I don’t want to start dating you again, as it didn’t work the first time between us. Please don’t call me anymore.” That’s blunt, but at this point you have little choice!

If he still persists, it may be time to speak to a lawyer and to threaten him with the possibility of a restraining order.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new girlfriend has a big heart and a body that won’t quit, but she comes from a rich family and she spends money like it’s nothing. She recently finished university and became an official part of her family business, where she’s doing very well — according to her.

She loves the challenge of sales and can’t stop talking about all the exciting things she’s doing, the big cities she’ll be visiting and where she wants to end up in the management chain. She’s a hard worker, and I have no doubt she’ll make it to a top position.

The other day I was talking to her about my best buddy, his wife and the child they’re so excited to welcome, and my girlfriend said, “Having babies is not for everybody!” I asked, “How about you?” and she shrugged and said, “Maybe someday. I’ll see.”

It sounds like she’s pretty cool on the family front. Me? I love kids and want several of them — no question about it! Now what? This comment of hers has me seriously upset.

— Queasy Feeling, Tuxedo

Dear Queasy: Not every woman wants a family, and your mate has let you know she’s not keen on having children. It would be a mistake not to believe her!

So, say to yourself out loud: “But, it’s part of my life dream to have a family and it’s important to me to find a partner who desires to have children with me.”

Be honest with your girlfriend about your divergent life dreams. Then look for the off-ramp for this present relationship, as it’s moving in the opposite direction to where you want to end up.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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