Drop bravado and cease silly summer spat

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My neighbour mowed the words “dumb ass” into my lawn, which had grown way too long while I was staying at the lake in my new cabin — for four weeks.

I agree my long front lawn got annoying to look at on our residential street. So, I got home and got out of my car, and took pictures of what he did to my lawn — in front of some neighbours for witnesses.

Then I unpacked my stuff, and that night just before bed I finally mowed the lawn with my loud mower. I did it in my own sweet time and went to bed, still mad. I honestly thought my neighbour was mostly just jealous because he doesn’t have a cabin himself!

I’d finally cooled off by noon the next day, so I went out and bought the guy a 12-pack, and left the beer on his back steps, with a card saying, “You can relax now!”

Instead of coming out and giving me a smart crack back, like I totally expected, he stayed hiding in his house — chicken. I know he prefers being on his front porch yapping at me and the rest of neighbourhood. I’m starting to feel a little guilty now. I want this little war to be over. How can I get my old neighbour to just relax and be a decent neighbour again?

— Want Some Peace, West End

Dear Want Peace: That “relax” bit on the card did sound pretty condescending. You need to understand there are a few things at play here.

First, this neighbour likes to think he’s a tough guy, judging by his lawn message. Secondly, he really does care about how the neighbourhood looks, especially next door to his own property. Finally, he doesn’t have a lake cottage like you, so he could be feeling jealous.

In any case, go over and knock on your neighbour’s front door and call his name out loud enough he can hear you, even if he’s hiding in the backyard. Once you see him, just drop the nonsense and make amends. It won’t kill you to apologize for the mess your lawn ended up in after you went off to the lake and just let it go wild.

Then invite him to have a drink at your place — the sooner, the better — so this can be fixed and forgotten. Then you two can both get on with the rest of the summer, hopefully as friendly neighbours again.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Why are so many women pregnant this summer? I’m living and sleeping with a hot pregnant woman myself. I can’t cool my wife down, even with two fans pointed at the bed. She’s seven months pregnant, so we still have a couple of hot months to go.

I must say, aside from the baby bump, my wife looks the same as she did before — beautiful! But, she’s giving off a ton of body heat and even our window air conditioner isn’t doing the trick. My trick to cool off? I sneak outside and sit on a lawn chair in the backyard and listen to the crickets.

What else could work for us? It’s so uncomfortable in so many ways. Help!

— First-Time Dad, southwestern Manitoba

Dear First-Time Dad: It’d be better for your wife if you weren’t so restless and could stay in the house at night and both be comfortable temperature-wise.

Fans are not nearly as helpful as some of the newer, high-tech portable units you can station in just about any room with a window. A little unit with some guts can help bring down the temperature quickly with a less gusty “wind” blowing, like with fans.

For some, a nice balance can be found, using both AC and fans. Best of luck, parents-to-be! You’ll forget this weather discomfort when the little one arrives in early fall!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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