Pre-lust logistics can help rein in randy racket

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’ve discovered my wife is quite amorous out at the lake. It’s our first year having a fair bit of alone time at the cottage, and I’m all for an exciting sex life with the breeze blowing in through the windows.

Our kids are grown up now and not out here regularly anymore, so my wife doesn’t think she needs to keep it down. And she can be pretty noisy in bed.

Our neighbour behind us invited me over for drinks on his deck yesterday afternoon. When he’d had a few, he made a crack about the “free symphony” coming from our bedroom window.

Of course, I went home and told my wife, and she was mortified.

Now I wish I hadn’t because there’s suddenly no romantic action between us at all, and that’s one of the best parts of being at the lake.

What now?

— Sorry I Mentioned Noise, Grand Beach

Dear Sorry: You can fix this by procuring a few good fans and making sure to close the windows before things really heat up between you. You could also play some music that competes with your wife’s volume level — even if has to be opera.

Just don’t check with your neighbour to see if things are quieter, as he might enjoy saying no, even if there isn’t a noise issue anymore. That’s just how some complainers are. Plus, your wife would be much happier to keep your sex life between just the two of you again.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: We love having our relatives up to the cabin because they’re really into playing games and cards, sometimes involving betting, and they also like to instigate fun musical jams around the campfire.

When they’re out, we also invite neighbours from several cabins on either side of us, and everybody brings food and drinks. It’s great party fun.

The trouble is nobody invites us to their place for parties because we own the bigger cabin and have the fun and entertainment scene nailed.

Maybe they feel they just can’t compete. But it gets tiring, and by the end of July I’m worn out. This year my husband suggested we coax the other cottagers to get more involved, but how do you turn things back on people who have come to love to being at your place? I’m tired of the responsibility.

— Don’t Want to be Spoilsport, Central Manitoba

Dear Spoilsport: When you do a certain kind of party perfectly and often, other people get the idea you love doing it. In fact, they may think you would be hurt if other people stole the spotlight and hosted get-togethers themselves.

So try saying something to a budding leader in your cottage scene along the lines of, “I’m been feeling really tired and would love it if people would take turns hosting parties this year.” That might be exactly what some people have been waiting to hear.

Offer to lend out some of the most-popular games and be a resource for other hosts if they’re in need of advice. However, if you happen to always make a special dish everybody can’t do without, let them know it will still be coming.

Hosting festivities might make some neighbours feel more a part of the community, and that’s a good thing. Others might decline, as it’s just too much work for them and they prefer to relax at the lake. Some may just want to chip in a few bucks for other party hosts and enjoy the revelry.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Love is a beautiful thing, but I’m not feeling it this summer for my boyfriend, who is at the golf course every single evening with his friends. I wish a flying golf ball would smack him on the head and smarten him up. His excuse is that he can’t golf in the winter.

Don’t even think about telling me to start golfing with him. He doesn’t want me — a “newbie” golfer. It’s just him and the guys, and after golf they have drinks and food (where a few of us women may join them once in a while). It seems like an almost daily party for them. Help.

— New Golf Widow, North End

Dear Golf Widow: You could take on two things at once — enrol in some golf lessons and put together your own crew of golf buddies from people learning with you or friends of yours who already know how to play.

Who knows? Your hubby and his buddies may end up envying your new fairway faction in a few weeks.

Please send your questions to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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