Try a fresh start with enemy at work

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This article was published 26/10/2015 (3991 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: At work I ran into an old enemy of mine who had left our company a year ago. Now it looks like he’s back, doing another managerial job where I work. I don’t know what to do. We ended up at a meeting together because now I’m on the same corporate level at the top of his old department. We still don’t like the smell of each other.

I know him to be a lazy boss who delegates way too much and ends up playing games in his office with the door shut. I actually caught him one evening with a woman in his office. He’s single, but sex in the office is still unclassy. I had come in after supper to do some catching up and stubbornly stayed until he and she had to come out. This week we acknowledged each other with terse nods. What else needs to be done to make this more comfortable? Should I try joking with him?

— Uncomfortable Around Him, Downtown

Dear Uncomfortable: Skip the jokes. Also, there’s no need for a heart-to-heart conversation. What you can do is extend your hand to shake and say casually, “You’re back. Let’s try to start off on a new footing with each other,” and leave it at that. You and he both know what that’s all about. Apologies would be phony, and joking would be absurd.

Try not to over-think this by going over old annoyances in your mind. You are now at the same level of power, so behave with confidence. Should he do something worthy of a compliment, give him one; if not, just be civil (courteous, but not stiff) and mind your own end of the business without trying to avoid him. And don’t gossip! Even though it’s comforting to chat to work friends about someone who bothers you, gossip gets back quickly.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriends and I don’t agree about politics and I got together with them at lunch this week and we quickly got on the subject of the election. It turned out to be a heated discussion (more like a fight) and one friend who voted differently from everyone else was vocal about her reasons. She got group splashback and ended up throwing money on the table and bolting before dessert. Should people shut up about their politics in group settings?

— Shocked She Left, Corydon Avenue

Dear Shocked: Political conversation can be fun and informative if people understand when to put a lid on it. Political conversation over drinks can be riotous, and in your case, it actually spoiled someone’s meal. Emotional people have a more difficult time with touchy discussions around politics. Rational and philosophical types can often debate without too much tension or anger. So, know your table of friends for their personality types before you get too far into political topics and always be alert for the right time to change the subject.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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