Your wife has moved on, and so should you

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Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: A few months ago my wife wanted to separate. I was devastated. I blamed my depression for causing the rift in our marriage as I was couch-ridden and had lost interest in going out with her and her friends, as well as other activities I use to enjoy. I was working a job I hated and not taking care of myself.

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Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 30/10/2015 (3991 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: A few months ago my wife wanted to separate. I was devastated. I blamed my depression for causing the rift in our marriage as I was couch-ridden and had lost interest in going out with her and her friends, as well as other activities I use to enjoy. I was working a job I hated and not taking care of myself.

Since then, I’ve tried to convince her to give me another chance. When she left, I immediately began counselling, lost 20 pounds and gained some muscle. I recommitted myself to my career, got a new job and now make twice as much money. Her reasons (now) for wanting a divorce are related to how negative I was, as well as what she calls sexual incompatibility. For the first many years of our relationship, we were like bunnies and there were no problems in the bedroom. I believe we truly loved each other.

I also believe our marital problems are not too serious to overcome. She wants nothing to do with me at the moment. I know she’s been sleeping around and embarking on “sexcapades.” I still love her and feel like waiting until she realizes what she’s lost, and then working on fixing our marriage. Am I holding on to false hope?

— Heartbroken and Confused, Winnipeg

 

Dear Heartbroken: Your wife is not acting like someone who’s sadly contemplating the broken marriage and may want to fix it. Now, she’s having a merry old time out there and feels like you had your time with her.

For her, it’s finished.

Instead of waiting for her, start going out and having fun. The long-suffering husband thing just makes her feel guilty. Consider joining a group like Adventures for Successful Singles (204-775-3484) with about 50 events, including sports, arts, music, movies, dinners and dances, each month. Nobody tries to match you up at these activities. You just take part and make lots of new friends of both sexes. Meanwhile, buy the book Rebuilding When Your Relationship Ends by Dr. Bruce Fisher and consider taking the seminar of the same name offered locally.

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

 

Miss Lonelyhearts

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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