Prepare for new life without husband

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This article was published 08/11/2015 (3979 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband grew disgusted with me in the fifth year of our marriage when I stopped working after having our second child. I had no interest in budgeting, and got depressed and lonely for adult company in our big, expensive house. My husband was rarely home because he had to work all the time. I ended up spending money to make myself feel better. When I got caught shoplifting, he was highly embarrassed, although nobody really knew. He said he had lost all respect for me. A few months later, he wanted out of the relationship.

Now I live down the block from him. I begged for time to clean up my act and become the wife he said he thought he knew. We have gone for counselling and have been dating over the last few weeks. I thought it looked promising, but last night he told me he didn’t want to continue. I am heartbroken as I know this is the end. Please help!

— Sinking Ship, Tuxedo

Dear Sinking: Sometimes romantic feelings don’t come back; something is simply lost, and even counselling can’t bring back the magic between two people who had been romantically involved. One or both people feel disillusioned, and don’t want a life living as partners anymore. In a way, this breakup will free you and give you a chance to start fresh in the future with someone else who has love and respect for you.

Your job now is to hasten the process of getting the help, strength and a team around you. That will help you and the children so it’s not too traumatizing. The more people you can gather around to form a chosen extended family, the better. If you have parents, aunts, uncles and cousins and beloved friends, now’s the time to gather them closer to you. Start by inviting them to your home for meals and movie nights.

Also, get the financial knowledge to run a sensible household. You really need to get back to work. It may not be what you wish to do, but it’s what you need to do to support your family and end your isolation. Whatever your husband gives you in support will not be enough to maintain the big-house life. Plus, he will probably marry again and have another family to support. Can you really live down the street and be witness to his new life and not become angry and depressed? One of you has to move. Consider moving to a smaller place with less bills. Don’t let pride get in the way of downsizing, as your kids need to have a well-rounded life that includes money for the necessities of life and activities as well.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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