Wife’s cross-dressing habit leads to bigger questions
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Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 10/11/2015 (3982 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife is growing more mannish all the time. Her tomboy ways and the way she dresses for work is a bit over the line. When she joined me at a business function the other day, she wasn’t wearing any makeup, was dressed in a man’s suit with a tie and her black hair skimmed back in a ponytail. She was even wearing men’s shoes. It wasn’t meant to be cute or a parody of some kind.
This week she’s talking about getting her hair cut really short. Should I ask her the question in my mind: does she want to become a man? I am deathly afraid to ask in case she says yes and my whole world comes tumbling down. We have young kids together. I love her so much and our kids adore her too. What should I do about the question? Her answer could destroy me.
— Scared of What’s Ahead, Winnipeg
Dear Scared: The anxiety that precedes asking the question is almost as hard as listening to an answer. You don’t have much control over what’s coming and she’s throwing out some pretty broad hints now. (And in public.) The time has come for both of you to get this out in the open. Suggest a weekend away where the kids are not going to hear anything that comes out — crying, accusations, the question of staying or going, the effect on the kids, etc.
Go out for dinner, and when you are back in the hotel room blurt out the question any way you can, even if you have to hand her a note and stand there while she reads it. Need help with words? Be specific and say something like, “I’ve noticed you have been dressing more and more like a man, and now out in public with me at a business function. I am getting very anxious. You know I love you very much. Could you please tell me what is happening? Then we can both start to deal with it.”
Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6
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