Don’t lie to child about his father
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Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 15/11/2015 (3975 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m in my early 20s and just got out of a serious relationship. We had a baby, and now I’m alone raising my child. His father decided not to be part of his life. I’m OK with that. I honestly don’t think he’ll ever be there for my baby. Even if he decided to, he’s not a healthy role model, and would probably only come around when it would be convenient for him. I wouldn’t want my child to know why his father is not a very nice, healthy man.
I would rather change my child’s last name to mine and tell him that I have no idea who his father is, but I grew up without a father myself and was always curious to know who he was and why he didn’t want to be a part of my life. I’m just afraid for the time when my son asks me who his daddy is and I wouldn’t know what to tell him.
— Bio-Dad Question, Winnipeg
Dear Bio-Dad Question: Don’t lie to your son. He would never forgive you for that, especially when the dad shows up out of curiosity, as so many deadbeat dads do, but don’t speak badly of his biological father, although it will be a temptation, as your son may decide he’s destined to be a jerk. Tell him you had a man in your life you cared about, who helped make a baby, but he didn’t want to act like a father. Keep it simple, and keep the words civil.
Have you gone after your ex for child-support money? Do it for the child, even if you have enough money to get by. The child deserves it. As for the name, you could add your own last name to your baby’s present last name and explain that when he gets old he could trace his dad and meet him. Add that he doesn’t have to like him or not like him, or continue meeting him, but he may want to meet him all the same. Also, you’re very young and this may all become a moot point if you meet someone new you love and have a serious relationship, and your child ends up with a real loving father.
Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6
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