When work affair blows up, don’t be anywhere near it

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Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I know my immediate boss is having an affair with the top boss’s executive assistant. I care about everyone involved in this five-person mess, counting the two spouses and me (perhaps I’m the only other person who knows). I’m worried for us all. The affair is a “secret” that could explode like a bomb anytime at work and/or in their homes.

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Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 29/11/2015 (3959 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I know my immediate boss is having an affair with the top boss’s executive assistant. I care about everyone involved in this five-person mess, counting the two spouses and me (perhaps I’m the only other person who knows). I’m worried for us all. The affair is a “secret” that could explode like a bomb anytime at work and/or in their homes.

The secret is safe with me, but do they know it? I think the people having the affair suspect I know. I’ve overheard phone calls, not meaning to. We are a small office and everyone is friends. I get little hints from them too, openers to hush-hush conversations I never want to have. I just don’t want to be involved! I make sure never to get too close to the spouses at social events, and I don’t look forward to the Christmas party coming up, trying to stay on the other side of the room all night.

I feel some sympathy for this secret couple at work who are deeply in love, have been for a while, and I imagine really want to be together. They have spouses from their early 20s who no longer suit them and those marriages cooled a long time ago, but there are children.

I’m also feeling sick about my immediate boss who is the sweetest guy but very creative. He hasn’t got hot clue about his relationships and the danger he is in. His head is always buried deep in his computer at work, often with the door closed. Is he talking to the other woman in his life, I wonder? Probably some of the time. Should I say anything to either of these two, if they hint they want to talk about it? I’m a terrible liar and sweat when they ask me to come into their offices for anything. — Nervous, Winnipeg

 

Dear Nervous: This is a complicated mess for you if you get involved in any way, so damage control is all you can do. You need to hold on to your job, so the last thing you need to do is become anybody’s confidant about the in-house affair. That means “going deaf and blind,” avoiding lunches and drinks with the gang, and appearing as busy and immersed in your projects as you can.

If any one of the “couple” at work starts talking like they want to confide in you, say something like, “Your secrets, whatever they may be, are always safe with me, but please don’t tell me anything. The less I hear, the better.” That’s your exit line and you stick to it. Find something that needs doing immediately and excuse yourself. It’s a wise person who knows how to mind their own business at the office in a case like this.

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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