Stop being a grand dud and bond with baby

By: Miss Lonelyhearts Posted: 12:00 PM CST Tuesday, Feb. 23, 2016

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: A new baby has arrived in our family and everyone is fascinated with her, except me. I find myself strangely unmoved. I'm the grandfather and that tiny child just makes me nervous. I don't like holding her, and she reacts to my stiffness by crying loudly for her mom. Last night my daughter said to me, after I refused to hold her child again, "You don't like my baby!" and she started to cry. Well, that just about destroyed me because I love my daughter more than anything in the world. I just don't like holding a squalling infant.

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Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 23/02/2016 (3845 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: A new baby has arrived in our family and everyone is fascinated with her, except me. I find myself strangely unmoved. I’m the grandfather and that tiny child just makes me nervous. I don’t like holding her, and she reacts to my stiffness by crying loudly for her mom. Last night my daughter said to me, after I refused to hold her child again, “You don’t like my baby!” and she started to cry. Well, that just about destroyed me because I love my daughter more than anything in the world. I just don’t like holding a squalling infant.

I’m sure I’ll get to like the baby when she’s older, but right now I’m not bonding with her, and I’ve hurt and insulted my own child, who is 23 and every sensitive. My wife is supremely annoyed with me and has started calling me Grand Dud. How do I fix this?

— The Dud, Winnipeg

Dear Dud: Man up, grandad! You have to make up with your daughter, and that means learning to hold her baby. Ask her if you can try when the baby’s just fed and sleeping. A baby that’s loaded with milk is usually off to dreamland every quickly. Also, tell your daughter you think the baby is beautiful, and you recall memories of holding her when she was that tiny. Tell her you’re just nervous and have forgotten what to do, but you want to keep trying. Backing away from the grandchild until you feel ready to give her your love and attention would be a very bad idea. It’s not an option.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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