Nit-picking a sign relationship on the decline

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This article was published 24/02/2016 (3845 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I am 17. I ate a fly on a dare last summer, but here it is six months later, and my girlfriend suddenly can’t get over it. Last night, she kissed me and said she thought of me eating the fly again, and was revolted. Then I asked her what she had for dinner, and she said a steak. I said, “Then you ate some cow, and it doesn’t gross me out.” 

This morning she announced she is becoming a vegetarian, and I said, “Not good enough! I think you should be a vegan so I don’t think of you eating eggs that came out of a hen, or milk that came out of a cow’s udder.” I know this is ridiculous, but she got us to this point. What do you suggest?

— Flytrap, Westwood

Dear Flytrap: You are both being silly and nearer the end of your relationship than you realize. If she wants to concentrate on things that turn her off about you, then you’re at that ugly point where she’s pulling away emotionally and looking for ways to justify it. She had to go back six months to the fly-eating incident, for justification. It didn’t revolt her enough then to cause a major problem, but months later it’s suddenly very sickening.

Have the big talk and find out what’s really wrong, or call it a day and get away from each other before the nit-picking really starts.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Why do people pick on introverts? I think there’s nothing wrong with being an introvert if you partner with someone who is also an introvert to some degree. My first husband was an extrovert and his personal project was to bring me out of my shell, which was the den. I had soft furniture in my “cell,” and my favourite treats in my own little fridge. It was fun when I came out on my own, and not fun when I was pulled out.

I’m now happily remarried to an introvert, who is a little less shy than I am. I don’t need my den to get away. We spend a lot of time alone at home and it is so easy to be around each other that we can be in the same room reading and feel a great comfort and happiness. We are also very sexual. We fit well together, and thank goodness he doesn’t want to talk during sex and demand a verbal response.

No couple is going to be happy when they’re at two ends of the spectrum. I still run into my ex-husband, who ended up marrying one of my outgoing girlfriends, and they are blissfully in each others’ faces all the time. I am kind of happy for him, and very happy for me to have my new guy.

— Happy the Way I Am, Fort Richmond

Dear Happy: There is a trend to make introversion seem like a serious problem and extroversion the desirable condition, but they are just two ends of a normal continuum. Extremes of anything can be annoying. An extrovert who is so outgoing he or she can’t spend a quiet introspective moment is as much a challenge to deal with as an extreme introvert who cares little about contact with others and just prefers to think, do solo activities or read all the time.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: There is a wonderful book called Introverts in Love by Sophia Dembling that may help The Uneducated Dater. If he is an introvert, he will enjoy reading it. Dembling is an introvert and understands how they feel in social situations. I’m an introvert too, and found her book both thoughtful and inspiring. Introverts and extroverts — there is room for all. Best wishes.

— J., Winnipeg

Dear J.: Thanks for taking the time to write in and help out with a book suggestion that deals with a happy outcome for introverts, who seen to be getting slagged these days.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
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