Secret lover developing feelings, wants to mark territory

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This article was published 16/04/2016 (3503 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have two boyfriends and I’m not bragging, but one gives me the love, respect and financial support I need, and the other gives me the best sex I ever have had in my life. The newer boyfriend is not true to me because he needs so much sex — and anyway, I’m taken.

The guy I live with is true to me, I think, but maybe not, and I never ask. He doesn’t have enough sex drive to want sex more than once a week. We are sweet and close and I think he’s a great guy, he’s just not very sexual, and nothing I could do in the first year I lived with him could change that. Believe me, I was swinging from the chandeliers to get him more interested. He just isn’t. He has a physical-labour job and is physically burned out when he gets home. He just wants a beer, a cuddle and to watch TV most nights of the week. Saturday night he wants sex — the boring kind.

Lately, my super-hot boyfriend has been wanting to come over and see my big house. I don’t feel that’s the right thing to do. He shouldn’t be on my boyfriend’s home turf. Yet, he is getting quite insistent and points out my man is never home during the day and it would be safe to sneak him in. What do you think about this?

— Cheating But Not Stupid, St. Vital

Dear Cheating But Not Stupid: Watch out! Studly man’s days as a casual sex buddy are over. He’s starting to care, and feel some jealousy. He’s curious and wants to see your other life. Now that he’s gaining interest, and a feeling of you belonging to him, there will be difficult times ahead. Bringing him over would be a big mistake as he may want to mark territory by leaving something in your house that could only belong to another man. He also doesn’t need to see your fancy digs, as he’s not going to measure up in that department and that will breed resentment. Then he will stop being careful of guarding your secret.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: In every type of occupation, you have the so-called deviant or “bad apple.” When it comes to sexual abuse of children by Catholic priests, nothing is more heinous. I am a victim of sexual abuse by the Catholic clergy.

The victims are damaged physically, mentally and spiritually for the rest of their lives unless, of course, they decide to commit suicide. No amount of counselling, drugs or alcohol can erase a victim’s memories. The horror, shame, mistrust, anger, resentment and desire for revenge dominates the victim’s mind.

How can an adult male who is ordained to become a disciple of God commit such a heinous and despicable crime? In my opinion, if we are to look at the whole picture, some of these weirdos today hold higher positions of authority, such as archbishops and even cardinals at the Vatican. I hope and pray that God cleanses his church by having civil authorities and having these people removed from the ministry, arrested and serve long sentences in prison among other criminals in society.

— Victim, Winnipeg

Dear Victim: How terrible that was for you and the thousands of other children who suffered that way. Finally some abusers are being brought to justice for their crimes, but not nearly enough. Have you named your abuser to authorities? Would that help or hurt? Are you getting help with healing these days? Please write back.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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