Meeting husband’s ex-wife an eye opener

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This article was published 18/04/2016 (3501 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went to a conference where we were assigned roommates alphabetically. My roommate was a nice lady with a very common first name and we had the same last name. Oddly, we looked a lot alike. Over dinner, we discovered we grew up and lived for a long time in two major cities in eastern Canada. She carried the last name of her first husband and had never remarried. I carry the last name of my present husband. Long story short, it turned out I married her first husband many years after they split up. We freaked out! We didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, so we got drunk instead and talked about him in detail.

She hasn’t seen him in 18 years. He was a heavy drinker, into drugs and played in a band when she knew him. They had no kids and she left him because of his drinking. I met him years later and married him. We have two kids. He never touches liquor, but he doesn’t go to Alcoholics Anonymous. He told me once: “drinking can ruin your life.”

She and I are freakily alike — tall, athletic, love horses, play bridge and poker with long hair and brown eyes. When it came time to part, we felt kind of weird, like sisters, or as she said, “mirror images of a certain man’s wife.” I know we won’t see each other again. It was too creepy we were so similar, and liked each other. I am home now and haven’t mentioned her to my husband. Do I owe it to him to tell him about her? What if he gets interested in her again? Help me!

— Keeping It Secret, Winnipeg

Dear Keeping It Secret: It is probably best to stay apart from her and say little about meeting her. Don’t provide him with many details, even if he asks. Should he die before you do, you might find it possible to communicate with her then, or that might just feel creepy, too.

Over the years, I’ve had letters from people who went on to marry a brother or sister of the person they had been married to, and then divorced. That felt strange for absolutely everybody concerned. At least you can stay many miles apart from your husband’s ex-wife quite easily, and let the effect of this coincidental meeting fade.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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