She’s locked up, he wants freedom

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 16/04/2016 (3503 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m currently in the Women’s Correctional Centre in Headingley. I got married recently and was sentenced in November. I’m pregnant. My husband told me over the phone that he is using drugs and seeing other women. My husband has been in jail before me. I stayed dedicated to him when he was in locked up and and waited for his calls. Now I’m in jail and he has no care in the world but himself. I love this man. He is my husband and my unborn baby’s father. I don’t know what to do.

— Miss Lockdown, Manitoba

Dear Miss Lockdown: He feels he holds all the cards and it seems like he’s trying to turn you off to the point where you will end the marriage and release him from responsibility for you and the child. He’s letting you know he’s enjoying the situation of only having himself to look after.

Why do you want this man? Is he working? Are you thinking he’ll be able to provide food and shelter for you and the baby? Maybe that’s why you’re trying to hang on after the cheating and neglect. Perhaps you’re thinking that when you get out of jail and can provide him company and sex, he’ll start acting like a husband and a father. Don’t bet on that.

It would be wise to figure out an alternate plan for you and the child as this man seems to be looking for ways to escape this responsibility. You may be on your own when you’re free. It’s better to face that now and look for a way to live without him. You’ll need social assistance of some kind, a place to live and family or friends around you, as a single mom with a baby. If you ask for counselling help and start planning now, you can probably get that situation in place in time. It would be tragic to plan on this guy being there to support you and the child, and then he isn’t.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is in response to Too Late Now (who found out about his/her biological father too late in life). My oldest daughter isn’t mine by blood, but I raised her as my own, and even 30 years after she found out the truth during a high school biology-class blood test, she is still my daughter. Just donating sperm does not make you a father.

—Her Dad, Winnipeg

Dear Her Dad: Dad is a name of honour, and usually denotes love and respect — biological father or sperm donor is just a term describing a physical (genetic) fact. It’s great you have been such a loving dad all these years, and I’m sure your daughter appreciates that, too. Does she know her biological father personally now?

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography