Look for a partner with best qualities of past girlfriends

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This article was published 24/04/2016 (3815 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went through a long sexual desert — a dry spell of almost two years. I am a university student, but in a male-dominated faculty. Then, two women came along at almost the same time, and I loved them equally. I loved one because she was exciting, daring and sexually amazing, and I loved the other because she was kind and sweet,loves animals and is warm and sensual in bed. I would like to roll them together, make one person and marry her, but they are two separate beings, and now my worst nightmare has happened: they found out about each other and spoke to each other in person two days ago.

They had a coffee, which turned into dinner discussing me. They both decided they didn’t want a liar like me in the long run, so they weren’t going to fight over me. I didn’t set out to do that! I met them both within a week and started dating them casually, and within a month I was sleeping with one and then the other. I was trying to decide and just didn’t confess to either one. Now I have lost both, and don’t know who I miss most. What can I do?

— Stabbed Twice in the Heart, Winnipeg

Dear Stabbed Twice in the Heart: You have a very loose definition of “love” and you unwittingly did some stabbing yourself. Things are not really as bad as they seem. Neither one of them was the answer. Now you must look for a woman who combines both their characteristics, to a certain degree, and maybe marry her. If you find that sweet and spicy combination in one woman, date only her and be true.

Lots of modern, daring women also have a very sweet, warm and nurturing side. Your challenge is to make it safe for her to show both of those sides to you. There are mistakes you can make, though. If she’s one step more daring than you are sexually, don’t ever call her down for it, or that wild side may shut down on you. If she’s one step softer or less confident than you, don’t call her down for that either, or that emotional openness will disappear. Women have to be loved and supported unconditionally to keep both sides happy and trusting you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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