You can move around the sexual continuum

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This article was published 03/05/2016 (3802 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have identified as gay all my life, although not very successfully. I seldom ever have a partner. Now there is this woman in my life and I’m having sexual feelings and fantasies about her. She is straight, but knows my background. We got drunk on martinis last weekend, ended up in bed, had sex and it was great. I was fully operational and we had a whole weekend of eating, sleeping and making love.

I had never really looked at women seriously in that way before, but now I am definitely interested. So what happened? Was I always bisexual, or am I just on hiatus from being gay? Where am I headed? I need to know. I still find myself looking at men more romantically and sexually than women. Help!

— Lost, Manitoba

Dear Lost: Some people shift up and down on the sexual continuum, and some are just in the middle and fall for a person’s personality, no matter what their sex. Rather than worry yourself sick over where you are on the scale between straight and gay, why don’t you just enjoy this little relationship and stick with it as long as it feels good? Right now you don’t have enough data to extract a judgment or make a theory. So get busy enjoying different experiences and see what happens. You may be one of the lucky people who can adapt to a scarcity of attractive partners by shopping in another area. Is that so bad? Only if you think it is.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I got into a slapping fight with my best friend and accidentally gave her a black eye. Now she’s not talking to me and I feel terrible. Even though she started it, I still feel guilty. She slapped me in the washroom at the bar and I slapped her back, and it went on a few times until people came into the bathroom and broke it up. Now she has a black, purple and red eye. What should I do? She told a mutual friend she will never talk to me again.

— Hurting Worse Than Her, North End

Dear Hurting: A little apology will go a long way between good friends who have a falling out. Sometimes people want you to say it more than once, so don’t stop at one. As a half-joke, you might write this out on an apology card about 10 times: “I am so sorry and will never fight like this with you again. I love you and miss you. Please be my friend again.” And sign your name every single time. Good luck!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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