Stop being dumping ground for friend’s tawdry gossip

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 19/05/2016 (3471 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My bisexual female friend is involved with a guy and a girl, and I mean sexually with both. I’m straight. She tells all her sneaky secrets to me, and I’m feeling used. At first it was juicy information, but I was sworn to secrecy. Now I’m getting phone calls to update me about her complicated mess twice or three times a day, and I’m ready to scream. I didn’t ask to be her 24/7 counsellor. Help! I believe in keeping lifelong friends, but this is crazy. What should I do?

— Feeling Used, Downtown

Dear Feeling Used: Tell her you’ll stay friends with her, but can’t talk about her romantic life anymore as it’s “upsetting” to you. Tell her you’ll talk about anything else. She won’t know what to say. You won’t hear much from her until there’s been a breakup. Even then, refuse to be part of the clean-up brigade. She will probably drift away, so start investing more time with other friends now who actually care about your life.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother has lost her mind! A few months ago she met some guy from India online. That alone is crazy, considering she’s still technically married to my father. Recently, she told me the man from India is coming to live with her here in Winnipeg. They even talked about his 16-year-old son coming here, too.

He’s still in India, but she just revealed she’s been sending this man substantial amounts of money. He claims he has a cheque he can’t cash until he’s here, which is a load of crap.

Now she has the nerve to ask me to lend him money for a plane ticket. I’ve never even met the guy or spoken to him, and I’m in jail. How do I make my mother realize that he’s scamming her before he takes all she’s got?

— Smarter Than my Mother, Women’s Correctional Centre, Headingley

Dear Smarter Than my Mother: Your mom needs to have a look at scamdex.com and she will see this particular series of online letters she’s been getting, is one of the oldest romance scams in the book.

Example: there is always a teenage son or daughter that this soft-hearted dad, who lost his wife, is caring for all by himself. The photo is stolen and the writer is often not even the sex they appear to be in the photo. The fake lover always needs cash for plane tickets, money for their child or cheques to be cashed. People never get their money back. All you can do is cut the scammer off and report it to police, so it’s on record.

Why is she falling for this? Your mom is being fed a series of romantic letters pre-written by the organizers of that scam to be dispersed in a certain sequence for an emotional buildup. The fake romancer usually has an overseer watching. The major portion of the money goes to the mafia-like group running the scam, and the people sending the fake letters get a pittance. Research scamdex.com yourself, especially the reporting section where other women detail the very same scam that was perpetrated on them. Then get your mom to take a look, or read it to her. She will not be able to deny the truth then.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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