Necking partner more than just a friend

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 21/05/2016 (3470 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I realize that two people in their mid-40s must look pretty ridiculous necking in a car, but we’re married to violent people, so it can’t be helped. And that’s the way we keep from having full-out sex and really cheating on our spouses. We’re just affectionate friends, I like to call it. We sometimes meet several blocks away from my house for quick talks and a sweet rendezvous. Recently, when it was raining, a neighbour from a few blocks away drove by and recognized my steamed-up car with someone it it. She got out of her car and knocked on the window to see what was going on or if I was in trouble.

I quickly straightened up and and buttoned up before I rolled down the window and begged her to not say anything to anybody. She looked shocked, and then really got what was happening and recognized my friend (a man she knows from the club we all belong to.) What a nightmare I am living now! If my husband finds out, I’ll be black and blue. He can be mean with his fists. Please help.

I love my friend so much and my kids have left home, so I have no children now. I’m very lonely.

— I Love My Friend, Winnipeg

Dear I Love My Friend: Please! Friends don’t need to straighten up and button up before they say hello to people who happen along, so let’s call an affair an affair. Whatever you do since this neighbour found out about you has to be done quickly. At least, stop seeing Affair Guy for now. You and your lover both need to get out of your bad relationships at home, then you can get together as a couple if that’s what you both want. But, does he want that too, or is he just enjoying being with you for some fooling around?

The whole game has changed now that you’ve been seen. People gossip about juicy things, especially when they are not close friends, have no sympathy for your situation or any love for you. Violent mates don’t take well to having their spouses cheat on them. You really need to leave for safety’s sake, and put together a normal life for yourself. If there’s something in it for you to stay with this violent guy — like he supports you financially — then it’s time to get a job, any job, two part-time jobs, or be prepared to go on assistance for a time. Perhaps you could live with a friend or relative in a safe place while job-searching. Some people move out of province to get away from violent exes.

You need to do something today. It would be wise to first investigate the whole process of leaving a violent mate by calling counselling services at Willow Place women’s crisis centre at 204-615-0311, or 1-877-977-0007. Those are also their crisis lines if you need emergency help and somewhere to go.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography