Hire private detective to find biological father

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This article was published 31/05/2016 (3778 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m 18 and live at home. I just found out my father isn’t my real father. My mother was pregnant a few months with me when she met and quickly married my so-called father who lives with us. My real father lives in Ontario. My mother said she didn’t marry him because she wasn’t in love with him. So what was she doing having sex with him already?

My other father has always been very sweet to me, and says I am his daughter as far as he’s concerned, but I want to meet my real dad now. My mother says no. Today I gave her such a hard time she broke down, cried and told me my biological father spent a number of years in jail right after she conceived me and is probably there again. Now what am I supposed to do?

— Fatherless Child, Winnipeg

Dear Fatherless Child: As you’ve probably been told at this point, “father,” or “dad” is as much a role description as it is a reference to DNA, maybe more so if your biological dad is a real cad. Still, it’s understandable you are so curious. You need to research your biological father’s whereabouts and find out what his crimes are.

Why does your mom think he may be in jail again? I’m guessing she may know where he is, and why. If he’s doing a long stint, his crime could be shocking to you. But, if you are like many people, your imagination is worse than reality, so you might as well get to work doing research and tell your mother you’re going to do so.

You can bet your mom isn’t the only person in the family with information, so start with your grandma and aunts. Insist that your mother at least give you his full name, and promise her you won’t go off alone to find him and visit him. She will be worrying about that. He could be very bad news, but speak ever so nicely to you and find some way to use you, so be very careful. 

Also remember your biological father has never seen you, or had anything to do with you, so he likely won’t feel protective toward you. A hired detective could probably find this guy in a few days, and that would be safer for all concerned. Be cautious and be sure to keep your mom and loving dad in the loop at all times.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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