Wiggly wife hard to hold

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 04/06/2016 (3769 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have an upside-down wife. By morning she has squirmed so much her feet are in my face and her head is near the bottom of the bed. We were recently married, but I’m sick of waking up looking at the bottoms of her feet, which are often dirty as she goes barefoot a lot in summer. We have a great sex life and I don’t want to kick her out of the bed, but when I reach over in the night to cuddle and get her legs, it’s weird and unfunny. I love to cuddle during sleep, but we are sadly not going to be that couple. What do you suggest?

— Not a Dirty Sole Fan, Steinbach

Dear Not a Dirty Sole Fan: Is she wiggling and shifting in her sleep to get away from cuddling you, or does she just spin in her sleep from a lifetime of habit? If she isn’t a natural nighttime cuddler, try a full-body cuddle cushion which gives a fair amount of satisfaction. That same pillow down the middle of the bed might be enough to keep your wife upright. But if she can’t stand to be touched by anything when she sleeps, she may just keep on diving.

As a last resort, how about getting a dog? Lots of people sleep with a dog in the marriage bed and dogs love to cuddle — and snort, and chase rabbits in their dreams.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband and I live in an apartment and got along well with our previous upstairs neighbours, who also enjoyed listening to music. The first time I heard new-ish the guy upstairs playing guitar I thought, “Right on, I’ll be able to play music, no problem.” After coming back from a trip, the first afternoon I played music I heard a bang, bang, bang on the ceiling. I was mad! I hoped he would come downstairs to hear just how quiet my music was, but he just banged some more. My blood was boiling, so I knew it wasn’t a good time to talk.

This happened a few more times during the next couple of weeks when, again, we were listening to music at a reasonable volume. Then one day when my husband was home listening to music, the guy knocked on the door and asked him to use his headphones because he was studying for exams.

My husband complied (I wish he hadn’t). I think the guy should find a library or wear headphones himself. If we listen to music it’s between 1 p.m. and 7 p.m. We have never gotten a complaint from him before during the previous nine months of living here, and suddenly this is an issue because he’s choosing to study at home. The other night I heard him playing his guitar at 10 p.m. So I guess he has free range, but I don’t? Help!

— The Noise-Complaint Neighbours, Winnipeg

Dear Noise-Complaint Neighbours: You should have had it out face-to-face right after the first broom-banging, but you’ve let it go on and on. People can sometimes develop high blood pressure from living under constant streets, worry or anger caused by neighbours. So get on up there and have a talk with the guy when he’s not banging on his floor. You might end up actually liking each other, and that’s the beginning of co-operation.

To be fair, nobody should have to leave their home to study because of noise, but you can at least find out which room this guy studies in and play music in a different room, not directly under it (or he can move rooms if that’s easier). And, insist he also get earphones and use them.

If all else fails, ask to move to the next apartment that comes up in the building, away from this neighbour. It is giving in, but it’s good to be reality-based, and it’s better for your health than walking on eggshells. You could out wait him to leave, but why stay upset for an indefinite length of time if he bugs you that much? Life is too short.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography