Flirting with mother-in-law making wife jealous

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 07/06/2016 (3452 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a mother-in-law kind of like Bette Midler — she’s divine. My wife is a chip off the old block — funny and feisty — which was what attracted me to her. I love my wife very much, but in all honesty I have to say I like my mother-in-law better. I mean her general company; I am not in love with her sexually.

The parts of my wife that are like her father — he’s grumpy and not so divine — are not present in her mother – she’s pure fun. I like nothing better than playing cards and board games with her on my team at the lake. She is a hoot and our senses of humour spark off each other. The problem is, my wife is starting to get jealous. I don’t know what to do. Please help.

— Caught in the Middle, Lake of the Woods

Dear Caught in the Middle: Talk to your mother-in-law about your wife’s feelings of jealousy. She is older than you two and will be able to turn down the flirtation part of her charm and still be fun. She is experienced enough to know about her effect on men, and if she’s a good mom, she doesn’t want to hurt her daughter. There can be fun, without jealousy.

On your side, start by asking your wife to be on your team for games, not the opposing one. That’s symbolic, as your wife is your primary allegiance. P.S. Your wife is growing into her mom’s shoes anyway, as long as you don’t turn her into grumpy dad.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: S.Y. was only half right in the letter where she said, “Men and women both cheat in almost the same proportions. They cheat because their emotional and sexual needs are not being met.” In my opinion, the cowards cheat when they aren’t getting their needs met. People with integrity address the problems in their relationships head on, or if that doesn’t work, they leave.

No relationship that lasts longer than six months will consistently meet all of someone’s needs without working through ups and downs, illnesses, losses and stress. Being faithful when your needs are being met is easy. Good relationships are not always easy.

— Consider That, Winnipeg

Dear Consider That: Committed couples don’t react to their relationships day to day with a decision to be faithful or not depending on how things are going, they look at the relationship a long-term commitment. You’re right when you say that means they can’t let problems get so out of hand it causes the sexual relationship to go flat. So that requires talking about things it would be easier to ignore in the beginning, hoping those problems will go away by themselves.

Some people are so scared of losing their kids through a breakup, they hide all their difficulties from their partners, Men, especially men who aren’t as verbal, often get clobbered in arguments with a woman. And as the communication decreases, so does the closeness and desire. That’s when people start looking around.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography